Sunday, May 19, 2013

Oru gaavil oru kissan vasitthu vandhaar...

And we're back again. It's time I wrote this. I've done my share of research, in fact I've done everybody's share of research into this thing. After 1 year of strenuous observing, recording, analysing and projecting, I present to you the one thing that bothers me a lot.

Advertisements!!

The good: Pretty women
The bad: Diametrically opposite stupid concepts
The ugly: Translation

When it comes to media, everybody is obsessed with sensitive content present in movies, in TV shows [reality/ not-so-reality, etc] and even serials. But what they miss about the whole thing is the ads. People get pissed off if they see, say, a women shown in improper light at a questionable angle, but they're completely ok with prolonged focus on the same area on the same angle for a maxipad advertisement. I mean, it has an education quotient [!] and all, but isn't it the same thing? And it gets even worse... You can escape from such offensive [!] content in one channel by jumping off to another channel [which shows even more offensive content].

Here's the gist. Ads are the silent culprits of every TV channel, that dumben the minds of the people [Yes, Shakespeare! I've invented a new word. Suck on that!]. If you can have all ads removed from a TV, the entire human race will have its IQ raised by 20 points minimum. The actual programming in any TV channel [however small, insensitive, crappy it is] is funded by the advertisers for that TV. On special occasions [like Deepavali, Pongal, Tamil New year's day, or as some TVs call it, simply 'Vidumurai dhinathai munnittu'] you get more funding from advertisers And the same goes for programs with a better TRP rating. This is pretty much the bread and butter for the TV channel. So, while the highly awaited 'fake wedding celebration' of a 'fake couple' in a 'fake TV show' is aired only 2 times on the TV channel, the stupid Call taxi ad is aired 40 times an hour, 24x7. This, I feel is one of the most powerful things about ads. They plant the most radical, most evil, most sexist, most unacceptable thoughts into our minds, and still make us feel that it's all ok. Picture this.

Dad [44 years old]: Let's watch TV!
Mom [42, but tells everyone she's 38]: Sure. Let me set the pressure cooker and join you. We can all watch "Thirumathi Selvam"...
Son [16 and still virgin]: No, mom. I've already been given to write the properties of X-rays 100 times as imposition. My punishment quota for the day is over.
Dad: {Turns TV on} {Channel 1: Axe deo spray ad}
{flips channel- Channel 2: Condom ad}
{flips channel- Channel 3: IPL RCB cheergirls}
{flips channel again- Channel 3: Katrina Kaif sucks on a mango}
{takes a weird look at the son who has his eyes fixed on the TV and whose hands reach his... his... batcave!}

What the hell is happening here? What are you doing?
Son: {Poker face, still looking at Katrina} Relax dad, it's just an itch. Just scratching.
Dad: {Trying to turn off TV} You know what? You shouldn't watch all this. Cover your eyes!
Son: What? Why? If you don't like it, you cover your eyes! {My God! Katrina... Mango...}
Dad: {Turns off TV}
Mom: At last! Has "Thirumathi Selvam" started?

But this is not even the bad part! The bad part is the language! Translational incompetencies! They use a Telugu guy to translate a hindi ad to tamil while a malayalam guy and a kannada girl speak those words which is written in English script! And that's what kids these days pick up... Not movies, not TV shows, not serials... Ads!!

As an industry, advertisement agencies enjoy huge monetary benefits if a single guy can voice their message over in every language, more so if one guy can translate the message into all languages that the ad company wants. This is quite achievable for certain languages [Google translate, anyone?] But for the rest, infidelity is the end result.

This here, is my collection of all stupid translations, shitty translations, crazy translations I've seen in the past year in Tamil ads [or should I say tamilified ads].

1. Comfort fabric conditioner:
     Narrator: Maamiyaar marumagal serial oru maasathula mudiyuma?
     Lady: Mudiyadhu [She says mudiyadhoo]
     Narrator: Oru roobaaiyila veettukku thevaiyana porulellam vaanga mudiyuma?
     Lady: Mudiyadhu [Mudiyadhoo]
     Narrator: Oru murai alasinadhum thuniyila irukkara nuraiyellam poguma?
     Lady: Mudiyadhu [If you observe keenly, she says "Mudiyum"]

2. Clear anti-dandruff shampoo:
     Lady in the labcoat: Saadhaarana shampoo dandruffa mattum alasum... [Well what else do you want it to rinse? Unga saree, chudidhar ellathaiyuma alasum??]
     The right translation would be "Saadhaarana shampoo dandruffa alasa mattum seiyyum"

3. Loreal:
     Aishwarya: Peruma pattukonga [Ok... But for what?]
     To be sincere, I don't see an apt yet punchy line for the translation "You're worth it". Why not keep the english line?

4. Fair and lovely:
     Yami: Karuvalaiyam... Maaniram... Karumpulli, Karai... Idhukkellam saadharana cream podhadhu. Idhukku Fair & Lovely fairness treatment irundha dhan polivu pogum [or something like that]
     The point to note here is that they've translated the thing in such a way that they actually wanna wipe away the 'polivu'!! Boss, polivu venum... Polivu kandippa venum.

5. Hamam:
     Dad: Amma ku therinja tension aayidum.
Excuse me... This is a tamil ad, not a malayalam ad. Amma ku therinja tension aayiduvaanga nu sollanum! Damn... It's getting political.

6. Kissaan jam:
     Virala sutthi sollu [I will not comment on this]

7. Kinder joy:
     Oru nalla anubhavam, moonu nalla santhosham [No comments]

8. Minto fresh:
     Orangin sollai sol [No]

9. Kurkure:
     Konala irundhalum ennudiayadhaakkum [No]

10. Mentos:
     Swasitthidu uyarndhidu [No]

11. Dream Yuga:
     Vidiyalai thedi [Please stop]

12. Hero glamour:
     Manam backseat le... [Please stop]

13. Vaseline healthy glow:
     Paattu onnu paada mudiyum [Dhayavu senju paadaadheenga]

14. All Out:
     Sonali: Hi tech protection, ennoda hi tech superheroeskaga...
Seriously, if they were hi tech superheroes, they wouldn't NEED any protection. Defeats the purpose of being a superhero, doesn't it?

15. Tang:
     Please don't even get me started on this. "Amma adhikaram selladhu!" is actually a  political suicide statement.
     And when they say "Pudhiya TANG la fruit irukku!", "Pudhiya TANG la fruit irukku!", it kinda makes you wonder "Appo pazhaiya TANG la enna irundhudhu??"

PS: Here's Jiiva with his malayala advertisement. Anaithu Indiavum record cheikunnu... ;)