Sunday, July 7, 2013

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Oru gaavil oru kissan vasitthu vandhaar...

And we're back again. It's time I wrote this. I've done my share of research, in fact I've done everybody's share of research into this thing. After 1 year of strenuous observing, recording, analysing and projecting, I present to you the one thing that bothers me a lot.


The good: Pretty women
The bad: Diametrically opposite stupid concepts
The ugly: Translation

When it comes to media, everybody is obsessed with sensitive content present in movies, in TV shows [reality/ not-so-reality, etc] and even serials. But what they miss about the whole thing is the ads. People get pissed off if they see, say, a women shown in improper light at a questionable angle, but they're completely ok with prolonged focus on the same area on the same angle for a maxipad advertisement. I mean, it has an education quotient [!] and all, but isn't it the same thing? And it gets even worse... You can escape from such offensive [!] content in one channel by jumping off to another channel [which shows even more offensive content].

Here's the gist. Ads are the silent culprits of every TV channel, that dumben the minds of the people [Yes, Shakespeare! I've invented a new word. Suck on that!]. If you can have all ads removed from a TV, the entire human race will have its IQ raised by 20 points minimum. The actual programming in any TV channel [however small, insensitive, crappy it is] is funded by the advertisers for that TV. On special occasions [like Deepavali, Pongal, Tamil New year's day, or as some TVs call it, simply 'Vidumurai dhinathai munnittu'] you get more funding from advertisers And the same goes for programs with a better TRP rating. This is pretty much the bread and butter for the TV channel. So, while the highly awaited 'fake wedding celebration' of a 'fake couple' in a 'fake TV show' is aired only 2 times on the TV channel, the stupid Call taxi ad is aired 40 times an hour, 24x7. This, I feel is one of the most powerful things about ads. They plant the most radical, most evil, most sexist, most unacceptable thoughts into our minds, and still make us feel that it's all ok. Picture this.

Dad [44 years old]: Let's watch TV!
Mom [42, but tells everyone she's 38]: Sure. Let me set the pressure cooker and join you. We can all watch "Thirumathi Selvam"...
Son [16 and still virgin]: No, mom. I've already been given to write the properties of X-rays 100 times as imposition. My punishment quota for the day is over.
Dad: {Turns TV on} {Channel 1: Axe deo spray ad}
{flips channel- Channel 2: Condom ad}
{flips channel- Channel 3: IPL RCB cheergirls}
{flips channel again- Channel 3: Katrina Kaif sucks on a mango}
{takes a weird look at the son who has his eyes fixed on the TV and whose hands reach his... his... batcave!}

What the hell is happening here? What are you doing?
Son: {Poker face, still looking at Katrina} Relax dad, it's just an itch. Just scratching.
Dad: {Trying to turn off TV} You know what? You shouldn't watch all this. Cover your eyes!
Son: What? Why? If you don't like it, you cover your eyes! {My God! Katrina... Mango...}
Dad: {Turns off TV}
Mom: At last! Has "Thirumathi Selvam" started?

But this is not even the bad part! The bad part is the language! Translational incompetencies! They use a Telugu guy to translate a hindi ad to tamil while a malayalam guy and a kannada girl speak those words which is written in English script! And that's what kids these days pick up... Not movies, not TV shows, not serials... Ads!!

As an industry, advertisement agencies enjoy huge monetary benefits if a single guy can voice their message over in every language, more so if one guy can translate the message into all languages that the ad company wants. This is quite achievable for certain languages [Google translate, anyone?] But for the rest, infidelity is the end result.

This here, is my collection of all stupid translations, shitty translations, crazy translations I've seen in the past year in Tamil ads [or should I say tamilified ads].

1. Comfort fabric conditioner:
     Narrator: Maamiyaar marumagal serial oru maasathula mudiyuma?
     Lady: Mudiyadhu [She says mudiyadhoo]
     Narrator: Oru roobaaiyila veettukku thevaiyana porulellam vaanga mudiyuma?
     Lady: Mudiyadhu [Mudiyadhoo]
     Narrator: Oru murai alasinadhum thuniyila irukkara nuraiyellam poguma?
     Lady: Mudiyadhu [If you observe keenly, she says "Mudiyum"]

2. Clear anti-dandruff shampoo:
     Lady in the labcoat: Saadhaarana shampoo dandruffa mattum alasum... [Well what else do you want it to rinse? Unga saree, chudidhar ellathaiyuma alasum??]
     The right translation would be "Saadhaarana shampoo dandruffa alasa mattum seiyyum"

3. Loreal:
     Aishwarya: Peruma pattukonga [Ok... But for what?]
     To be sincere, I don't see an apt yet punchy line for the translation "You're worth it". Why not keep the english line?

4. Fair and lovely:
     Yami: Karuvalaiyam... Maaniram... Karumpulli, Karai... Idhukkellam saadharana cream podhadhu. Idhukku Fair & Lovely fairness treatment irundha dhan polivu pogum [or something like that]
     The point to note here is that they've translated the thing in such a way that they actually wanna wipe away the 'polivu'!! Boss, polivu venum... Polivu kandippa venum.

5. Hamam:
     Dad: Amma ku therinja tension aayidum.
Excuse me... This is a tamil ad, not a malayalam ad. Amma ku therinja tension aayiduvaanga nu sollanum! Damn... It's getting political.

6. Kissaan jam:
     Virala sutthi sollu [I will not comment on this]

7. Kinder joy:
     Oru nalla anubhavam, moonu nalla santhosham [No comments]

8. Minto fresh:
     Orangin sollai sol [No]

9. Kurkure:
     Konala irundhalum ennudiayadhaakkum [No]

10. Mentos:
     Swasitthidu uyarndhidu [No]

11. Dream Yuga:
     Vidiyalai thedi [Please stop]

12. Hero glamour:
     Manam backseat le... [Please stop]

13. Vaseline healthy glow:
     Paattu onnu paada mudiyum [Dhayavu senju paadaadheenga]

14. All Out:
     Sonali: Hi tech protection, ennoda hi tech superheroeskaga...
Seriously, if they were hi tech superheroes, they wouldn't NEED any protection. Defeats the purpose of being a superhero, doesn't it?

15. Tang:
     Please don't even get me started on this. "Amma adhikaram selladhu!" is actually a  political suicide statement.
     And when they say "Pudhiya TANG la fruit irukku!", "Pudhiya TANG la fruit irukku!", it kinda makes you wonder "Appo pazhaiya TANG la enna irundhudhu??"

PS: Here's Jiiva with his malayala advertisement. Anaithu Indiavum record cheikunnu... ;)

Sunday, April 14, 2013

The Robin dilemma

Sunday, March 31, 2013


Saturday, March 2, 2013

The chosen one

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Mudhal Boniyum Milaga Bajjiyum

Tamil dialect la, English script la oru post pottu romba naal aachu... "Idhu pudikkala", "Idhu tamila damage pannudhu" nu sila tamil aarva iyakkangal poarkodi uyarthirukkanga. Paravalla. Tamil la sariyana ல ள verupaadu kandupudichu dabba dabbava kaattadha internet ennikku varudho, anniku naan tholkaappiya tamil la ezhudharen.

Vaazhkaila saagaradhukkulla ellarum sila kaaryangal pannanum. Maram nadanum, oru aezhaikku soru podanum, Kovil/Ulaga sutrupayanam poganum... Adhukkellam munnadi irukku oru Chennaivaasiyoda sila adhyavasya thevaigal. Idhellam seiyyala na avan aathma shanthi adaiyadhu. For example

  • At least oru padathoda preview show aiyavadhu paathudanum [apdiye anga actors lam vandhiruppanga. Avangakitta autograph, photograph vanganum]
  • Oru match avadhu Chepauk la poi pakkanum. Anga match oda categorya poruthu CSK vukko, Indian teamukko support panra madhiri oru 10 rooba thoppiya 100 rooba kuduthu vaanganum. Kannathula colour adichukkanum. Anga irukkara periya TV la namma moonji theriyanum [Adhukkaga oru azhagana ponnu pakkathula seat pudikkanum]
  • Suburban train tracka foot overbridge la cross pannama unauthoriseda level cross pannanum. Anga namakkagave arasanga sottha paazh paduthi oruthan sevuttha odaichu vechiruppan. Adhu vazhiya naama poi sariya 50 seconds michappaduthanum [MRTS/CMRL la apdi panna mudiyadhu]
  • Suburban train track la echil thuppanum
  • Suburban train track la moocha poganum [preferably at night]
  • Signal pakkathula zebra crossing irukkum. Aana adha use pannama oru 100 adi thalli cross panni TVS, Bajaj, Honda ponra vandigaloda braking powera test pannanum

Indha varisai la ippo recenta join aayirukku MALLS. Nammoorula Oru 100 varusham munnadi Spencer Plaza nu onnu kattinanga. Adhukkum adhukku adutha mall kum idaila podhiya idaiveli [several decades] vittu dhan kattirukkanga. Bangalorela irukkara madhiri ovvoru muttusandhu pillayar kovil pakkathuliyum oru mall kattala. Idhunaliye Mallgalaala chennai makkal [unnmaiyana Chennai kudimagangal] romba perisa baadhippadaiyala. Sila pala mistakes ku aprom EA, Ampa Skywalk [ippo Phoenix] ellam vandhudhu.

/*Naan matter ku varama ivlo neram izhuthadichadhukku kaaranam irukku. Article perisa irukku nu nenaichavan ivlo dhooram vandhirukka maattan. Article nalla irukku nu nenaichavan muzhusa padikkama poga mattan.*/

EA ku idhu enakku 3rd time. Spencer Plaza ku oru vaatti poyirukken [chinna vayasula, appa kooda]. Avlo dhan. 'Mall' vaasam padama potthi potthi valarkkappattavan. EA ku varradhukku best vazhi personal transport dhan. Bike la kaiya oru thiruppu thiruppinom na konjam petrol kudichuttu vandi nammala 20 minutes la kondu vandhu sethudum. Enakkum andha 20 minutes kum irukkara dhooram andha bike dhan [Evernote la 'Bike vaanganum' nu oru checklist la pottu 1 varusham aachu]. "Varum... Aana varadhu" style la iyangara MTC bus pudichu Guindy, angirundhu TVS estate la iranganum. High court bus vandha nama senja punnyam. Adhuvum nama stop ku vandha udane vandhaa namma appa amma senja punnyam. So, 1 mani neram munnadiye kelambinen. Bus vandha time vecchu paatha naanum punyam pannala, enga appa ammavum punnyam pannala.

10 nimisham munnadi dhan la order panna shoe delivery pannanga. En mudhal sports shoe [well, branded one] voda mudhal boni idhu dhan. EA la naan romba edhirpakkaradhu azhagana ponnunga, oralavu decenta dress pannitu varuvanga. Adha vida romba edhirpakkaradhu breakups. First time vandhapodhu oru breakup- ponnu sogama poitta. Inniku EA vandha podhu suda suda oru breakup. Ponnu gettha sevuthula saanjuttirukka. Paiyyan O nu azhudhutte nadandhu veliya poraan. Bhaarathiyaar paatha peruma paduvar.

Ulla ponadhum ivanga enga iruppanga? Book release nu sonnanga. 3.40 vera aayiduchu. Inneram aaramichirukkum. En phone screen la 'Calling GS Anna' nu vandhudhu. 'Line Busy' nu 2 vaatti cut ayiduchu. "Sir, Inga oru book launch ceremony nadakkudhe, adhu endha floor la?" nu oru security officera ketten. Avan "what?" apdeennaan. Adhu seri. Inneram maedaila aeri pesittiruppanga. Cha! Miss panna poren. 10 nimisham mall-a fulla suthi paathu ovvoru floora thedikittirukkumbodhu 4th floorla 'hi' kaatittu nikkirar GS.

En college oru vinodhamana college boss. Anga yaarum endha vishayamum sonna nerathukku nadandhadha sarithrame illa. "Naan kooda oru 200, 300 per iruppanga nu nenachen. Innum evlo per varuvanga?" nu angirundha en classmate Raghu kitta ketten. "Therla da. Oru 10 per varuvanga" nu sonnan. Delhi rape incident la irandhupatta pennukku anjali seluthara event ku FB la 1 million per attend panradha sollitu 100 per kooda pogalayam. Namakku 10 per varradhe periya vishayam. GS moonjila innum andha perumidhamana sirippu. Irukkadha pinne? Mudhal bicycle, mudhal bike, mudhal kuzhandhai, mudhal book... Idhukkellam thani madhippu undu dhane? Aana innum konjam kooda santhoshappatrukkalam. Adhukkum kaaranam irukku. Mudhal kuzhandha porandha kooda GS tension aagiruppar, tired aagirukka maattaar. Kitta thatta idhu avarukke prasavam madhiri. Sorvu irukka dhan seiyyum. Express Avenue ngra 'Gosh Aaspathri' la 'Mudhal Boni' porakka pogudhu.

Avarukku dhan etthana contacts, etthana networks... Varanam aayiram padathula Suriya solvaar "Oruthan road la erangittan na avanukku ella vishayamum theriya varum; ellame kedaikkum" nu. College lerundhu company bus ku kudhicha GCTians maddhila company aaramichu nadathuravar GS. Businessman ku contacts illaina epdi? Toastmasters' club, aprom pala edathilerundhum kooda nanbargal vandhirundhanga. Delhi varaikkum reach aagiyirukkaar na paarungalen! 'Fresh Face' publications nu oru amaippu indha madhiri budding ezhuthaalargal kanava nenaivaakki kondirukku. Booka oruthar release panna, innorthar vaangikka engala security thoratha inidhe nadaipetradhu puthaga veliyeettu vizha. Aana adhukku aprom kooda adutha blog post poda "unga kann la padra swarasyamana manidhargala neenga sollunga" nu oru gameshow range ku dialog vittar. Customer engagement??

Adhukku kooda badhil theriyaliye pa. Namakku swarasyama padradhellam podhuva mathavangalukku mokkaiya dhan theriyum. Sari andha bikini potta mannequin pathi sollalama? Illa vendam, ladies irukkanga. Edho sonnen. Romba naala vaanganumnu nenaicha electric bike vikkara stall ku ponen. "Inga adhellam illai" nu verattitaanga.

En college makkalukku innoru ketta pazhakkam irukku. Seminar ku ponalum, saavukku ponalum ivanga mudhalla edhirpakkaradhu 1 tea, 2 vadai. Oru sip tea kudikkaradhukkum, oru bite vadaiya kadikkaradhukkum naduvula oru UN peace conference nadathi mudichuduvan GCTian. Appo dhan GS koodavum, tamil aarvam konda Prabhu, Raghu koodavum konja neram pesinen. Chennai vaazhkka manushangala rombave maathidum ngradhu nallave therinjudhu. Sila varusham munnadi THADAGAM ROAD la irundha enga mindset, ippo OMR, GST, SH 104 nu pirinju poiduchu.

Tea sampradhayam mudichuttu, bus kaga nadandhom. Nanbargal kooda nadakkaradhu ngradhu rombave arpudhamana vishayam. Aana adha kooda MTC bus keduthudum. Nanganallur bus vandha udane, araikoraiya ellarukkum bye sollitu kelambinen. Nanbargala vida appa amma senja punnyam nyabagathukku vandhuduchu. Veedu vandhu serndhen. Adhukkulla anga eduthukitta photova FB la upload pannittar. Oru 'Like' pottu en aamodhippa therivichen.

Maru naal en pakkathu cabin colleague "Enna Achyuthan, book release lam epdi pochu?" nu ketka, "Nalla pochu saar" nnen. "Book oru copy kedaikkuma?" nnar. "Flipkart la vaangidalam saar. Link mail panren" nnen.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Problem, Mahindra??

Monday, January 21, 2013

HULK Protein!!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Tongue twister KO!!

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Then, and now...

Oru cup bru...