Thursday, December 27, 2012

The old man and the bike


I had the craziest dream of my life just now... Thank God! I realised that soon enough, and woke up in what I can call a not-so-panicky condition... A dirty old fellow covered in rags, chases me while I'm running away from him. Actually,I'm riding a bike, trying to get away from him. Strange! I don't ride a bike! Not even in my dreams. And how was it possible for that guy to chase me all that long while he's on foot?? Barefoot, to be more accurate!

I look at my mobile, which lay silently beside me. It says 2:06 am. And most certainly I look at the battery level. You see, that's the problem with Android phones. You need to worry about them, like they're your biological babies. You need to feed them constantly, before they run out of juice. And that will happen only when you need them the most. Fair enough. The battery is quite on the bright side of 50%, and I don't need to get up from my bed to quench its thirst for power [or energy. Whatever! I'm too sleepy to be arguing with you right now] till dawn.

I wake up at 5, brush, pee, bath, dress myself up, drink a glass of water, put my shoes on, and RUN! Run! Run! Run! Running is a practise I picked up in college. In school, I had a bicycle. So, I didn't have to run. In college I maintained the strict rules of the Japanese- Just In Time for everything. So I had to run... To classes, to labs, to bathrooms, to catch trains. Here, it's a different game. Either I run 1400 metres in 7 minutes to catch my bus that takes me 35 kms far a place, where I can work, or I have to take 2 trains, 1 bus and possibly a piggyback ride to the same place of work, reaching 2 hours late risking the loss of a day's pay. Run Forrest! Run!!

I get to the bus with impeccable timing. Beside my bus stop, is the police booth of Chennai Traffic police, that says 'Use your head, Wear a helmet'. It's there everyday. It's not new. But I read it everyday, like it's the first time I'm reading it. The bus starts. I travel. I reach my job. I eat, I play and of course, work. In the evening, I start off from work on the same bus. After the dusty villages of the northernmost point of TN, getting back to the city will feel good. But after the lonely roads of the same villages, the roads of the city will be scary. The day's work is taking it's toll on me, and I'm defeated by the uncontrollable forces of slumber. I've not slept like this in the bus. Head bent at an awkward pose, mouth wide open, ID card hanging from my neck. My bus companion will have taken a photo of me, definitely.

But inside the mutilated ID card lies the face of a man, whose head is tilted awkwardly, and on that head is a mouth open wide, and deep within, is a huge deposit of fat, people call brain. And on one particular speed breaker, the bus jerks, the body jumps, the head is thrown to the opposite side and a wrong electrical connection is made in the brain [metaphor].

Yes, there he is. The guy in rags. The face looks familiar now. But I can't point out exactly. I pinch myself. Yes,  this is definitely a dream. Now to see if that guy can scare me again. Once you know you're in a dream, you don't get scared if you think you can take care of your surroundings. It's just like we're not scared of a question paper when the questions are already out. He goes and sits in his regular place. People throw coins on his aluminium plate, and sometimes rupee notes. There was one 10-rupee note on the plate then. And as I move forward to him, he sees me and smiles. Shit!! His front teeth are missing! He is spitting saliva all over. And suddenly, there comes the bike... FUCK! Nobody is riding it! The bike is haunted!!

Just another speed breaker is enough to wake me up from the unusually small, unusually deep sleep. I wake up and clean my mouth of the running saliva-lines down my cheek. It's almost my bus stop, and I have to get down. I'm now scared of the bike more than I was of the old man. What could be wrong? I've never had dreams that repeat! At least not the dreams that do not involve poorly-clad women... I get down only to see a man-shaped marking in chalk, right on the highway, blood marks on the road.

I see the police guy sitting at the spot, almost everyday, so I gather up courage to ask him what happened. He says there has been a bike accident in the place. A biker has disobeyed a signal and his speed has joined hands with merging traffic to cause this freakshow. And then? And then the biker has lost control and he has fallen off the bike. The bike has slid on near the pavement hitting the beggar by surprise. The guy who rode the bike is admitted to a hospital.

I turn around to see the body in the stretcher. The body of an old man, covered in rags, and front teeth missing. Holy crap! That is the exact same guy from my dreams! I'm getting goosebumps!! There, at the exact spot where he sits and begs for money, are scattered coins. And in that mess, is a single 10-rupee note! Blood-stained! The police guy chuckles, while I tremble nervously. He says, do you know what the fishy part is, in this case??

Adding fire to the already roaring forest-fire of fear in my heart, he says, the road was quite empty when the accident took place. The guy who saw the accident has phoned him. While the guy who rode the bike is now in hospital, the guy who informed the police of this, nor the police could find the bike that caused the accident!!

Oh God No!! Please no!! Please let this be a dream!

I pinch myself. It hurts...

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Illumi-not-ti

This is the first of my posts on a social note. It's deepavali today, and although people call it diwali, it essentially means 'Festival of lights'. Lights today are mostly powered by electricity, just like every other thing on the face of the planet. And my state is heavily in short of power. The sad part is, the impact of it is delivered onto the common man, and he is suffering. A recent move by the government promotes solar energy. I'm here to present to you my views on what's going on and what we can do.

Tamil Nadu's power

Tamil Nadu has its major supply of energy from coal [coal/lignite]. Next in the thermal category is gas. Then comes hydel, and then nuclear. Then in the list come wind and solar. TN does not have abundant reserves of coal. But it has lignite to power itself for another couple of decades. Nuclear power is always a hot topic for discussion. There is a power plant running in Kalpakkam, and hopefully another one might start its functioning at Kudan kulam. The next big star here is wind. This guy is crazy. He's really crazy. TN luckily can rely on Wind. It's available to use freely and the state has been tapping the resource for quite some time. Almost the complete wind generation capacity was contributed by private players, with the government's help of course. Chennai is now called the wind energy capital of India. The complete credit does not go to Chennai. The logic could have been like "Chennai is the capital of the state with the maximum wind energy generation and so, let's name it that way". But several global wind energy companies [Vestas, Gamesa, Toshiba-JSW, and others] have set up shops here in Chennai. This pretty much sums up the energy scenario.



Several reasons have been put forth, several excuses been made and several fingers have been pointed at [different persons] for the power crisis, which now stands at about 2000 MW [or about 9000 units].

The first ones to get affected by the deficit are the industries, especially medium scale and then small and micro ones. Then come the public. Today, a scheduled load shedding of 2 hours prevails in Chennai, and more than 12 hours of it everywhere else. Add to it the unscheduled powercuts.

As the condition worsens day by day, it becomes increasingly necessary to address the problem. One way to do it, is to increase the capacity. This is supposedly being carried out already, and if you haven't heard how, it's by thermal [mostly]. And what do we do till then?? Go Solar!!! [Tada!]

The Solar shift

This sudden, abrupt shift towards solar power is due to the ever widening supply-demand gap and the attraction it brings with it [Sun can power your homes, blah blah]. And the most ridiculous thing about this is that the primary target is the common man again!!

This is no different from the story of Mohammad bin Tughlaq. [Quick recap] This lunatic king has his country in shreds. Economic crisis, poverty, no money in system. The guy orders more money to be put into the system. And when his own mints can't do them, he asks every citizen to mint coins in his [citizen's] backyard. Result? Everyone has money. Tons of it. Prices go up now. People turn greedy. Mint more coins. Prices go up again. People get more greedy. Money loses value. Then, voila! He declares all such bronze coins void. Crisis goes from bad to worse. People die.

I don't want anything even close to that happening now. So here is my viewpoint.

Think

It is a bad decision to make people go solar. If solar energy is the way to go, the government must first turn solar and be an example for it. Imagine. Where would you put your beloved solar PV receiver thingy?? On your roof. We here in TN use the roof for a variety of purposes, starting from drying off our clothes to the seasonal vadaams. And, it is quite expensive for a regular middle class guy to invest in a solar PV panel. The bloody gadget takes up about 2 lakhs [yeah, you can argue that we get subsidy and all those shit, but who pays for that? You! Can you get a loan for that??] and saves close to 10 thousand a year. Not to mention the installation charges, maintenance charges [nobody even knows if it is necessary to 'maintain' PV boards], and battery costs [50k for 5 years]. And add to this ice-cream the cherry of inflation costs, and you get a costly sundae of electricity independence. How cool is this?? Let's see.

Q: What are all the appliances that you can run with an SPV gen- Battery pack- Sine wave Inverter system?
A: Fans, Tube lights, Light bulbs, TVs [may be], Computers [may be], Mobile/Laptop chargers, etc.

Q: What appliances you can't?
A: Air-conditioner [Die!], Immersion heater/Geyser [Die!], Electric iron [Die again!], Mixer, Grinder and anything else that looks big.

So, if you want to run your day to day appliances, you still have to depend on the Electricity board.

Q: Why the hell is it attractive then?
A: Let me answer you this way. You can kiss powercuts goodbye. You can generate enough power to fulfil your household needs partly. You can be part of an invisible green movement.

As can be seen, this will be very useful to people who already have an inverter in their homes. And next come those who plan to buy an inverter. And then, those who can at least afford an inverter. As is the view of many other energy enthusiasts, this solar energy generation at your own house is like a luxury. Those who have a car know the benefits of it. And those who want a car know the costs. The solar PV cell does not give you complete freedom from the EB. It rather uses the sun to feed part of your needs. The savings it is capable of offering is used up by the maintenance charges for itself, and if at all it offers you anything, it is uninterrupted power supply at no extra cost. The other advantage of the SPV panel is that you free the grid of valuable space.

Space? Did I say space? As you can see, the grid carries electric current in conductors. And the more current it carries, the more loss in T&D [V=IR] occurs. So every ampere you save, is an ampere for someone else. Assuming that the conductor size and number are constants, you can rid the grid of a little ohmic loss and if that is not significant you can save that space in the conductor for someone else who is currently facing a powercut. Feels like Mother Teresa, right? Well, there is a check here too.

Since our billing system is based on total usage of energy in a month, we don't usually bother about our appliances. But when we have our own generating unit, we have to take into account the maximum demand.

Assume that you have a 1 kW unit on your roof.
Assume that it is receiving splendidly bright light on a clear skied day.
Assume that the efficiency of the system is 100%.
Assume that you use some 500 W power during the whole day [2 tube lights + 2 electric fans ~ 400 W (another 100 W kosuru)]. You are forbidden to consume more than 500 W at any point of the day.
Assume that your in Chennai and in the month of May when the sun shines for more than 12 hours a day.
Assume that your Battery-Inverter set offers no resistance.

Only in such a case, will you be totally free from paying your electricity bills. Yes! You need not pay a single naya paisa. And you get free uninterrupted power supply forever. If you can see, I have made a lot of assumptions, and if you can see deeper, most part of most of them are crazy. All this for a cost of 2 lakhs [initial] and 50k every 5 years. I have not included the case of the panel failures or other major breakdowns. The SPV panel and the battery pack have a 5 year warranty period.

Are you happy? Will you be content with 500 W? I don't think so. The solar power system today is nothing different from a car. Or a DTH system.

You pay for it [heavily]. You have fuel costs. You have maintenance costs. Other expenses.
But you can have a reliable system. You can drive to whatever place you want, whenever you want. You save humongously on time.



Same way, a solar plant to a common man costs high. Costs for battery and maintenance. But he can have uninterrupted power supply at his own will. And that too, green.

Also try

In order that the system doesn't go any more chaotic, i propose an opinion. My approach is bi-fold. You can tap solar power to feed yourselves, but you have to minimise your needs. Just advocating solar power will do no good. Minimise your electricity consumption. Save on that. And THEN go green.

2 steps to do that.

1. Minimise power consumption

A) Ban all incandescent bulbs. Those bastards have had their day, and it's more than time we said goodbye. Most of our domestic lighting needs are satisfied by fluorescent tubes. Replace them with LEDs. Use LEDs everywhere. In your cars, houses, streetlights, and pretty much anywhere you want light. Just to prove my point...

       40 W Incandescent bulb          - approx 400 lumens
       40 W Philips fluorescent tube - approx 3000 lumens @ 6000 K [colour temp]
       40 W LED downlight lamp       - approx 4000 lumens @ 5000 K

[Please not that all the lamps here are the best in class ones, with the highest lumens per watt available over the entire commercial spectrum]
[Also note that norms for LED lamping systems are still in their nascent stage. So, it might take a while]
[Further research on LEDs possible]

You might wonder if a step from fluorescent to LEDs is wise. Yes, it is but not as wise as moving from Incandescent to LEDs. Though the reach of the breakeven is slow in the former shift than in the latter, it is actually quite good for the system, because, we've just looked at the wattage of the fluo-lamp, not at its power factor. If you take that into account, you'll see the actual current it takes. And consequently the max demand. So shifting from either of the sources to LEDs is wise [Wiser than installing a solar power system].

B) Demand an energy certificate from every appliance manufacturer. A 3-star rated product is ok. But a 5-star rated product [with the same power intake] is always better. Ban all companies that do not improve the energy efficiency of their products. Encourage people to buy high star-rated goods. Offer discounts [even 100 bucks attracts people. This is the beauty of India], or an extra free service. Do whatever you can to promote  highly energy efficient products.

C) Maintain power factor. There are norms for maintaining power factor for industries, educational institutes and other commercial establishments. Extend it to residential complexes. It can't be done on individual houses. But people today moving towards an urban lifestyle tend to live in about 100 families per complex, where this can be very well established.


2. Go solar sensibly

The move to promote solar power to the common man is a welcome move. But I'll welcome it only after a decade. If you wanna go solar, one ought to do it in a phased manner. Not in a mindless chaotic manner.

A) Make solar power systems a must for commercial establishments. Movie theatres, malls, factories, etc. can afford it more easily than the common man can.

B) Introduce it to residential complexes first. Car parks, sheds and roofs can be covered with SPV panels and the power can be utilised for common loads like apartment lighting in common places. This exercise can also be undertaken in individual houses, duplexes and villas.

The extension of solar power systems to all houses will then be sensible [if at all there is a power crisis]. Make a deadline and get things done.

As a last word, I wanna say that I'm not a fan of solar going public at this point of time. I just wish people resorted to reducing their consumption than increasing their supply. I hope the energy crisis ends soon.


Saturday, November 3, 2012

The rewind button


Only when we press the rewind button on our Walkman and then hit the play button at the desired spot in the tape do we realise that we’ve been lying to ourselves about the cassette player and that we’ve switched to digital music and winamp a decade ago. But if you do own a cassette player and more importantly if you do use it even now, you can understand that the mechanism of rewinding or, in some cases, fast forwarding is one of the many things [besides play/pause + record] why you bought that BPL-Sanyo tape recorder in the first place. And then months later, your ultra-cool older cousin got one of that CD-mans thus making your Walkman look like a grey-haired grandpa, however sleek it looked.
Ok, getting back to our discussion here, have you realised how much that has changed?? It took you precisely 1 minute to Rev/Fwd a 5 minute song. And in that 1 minute of waiting, your mind gets ready to sing along to that part of the song which will be reached at the time of pressing the play button. But today, we have digital music players where you can pin-point to your desired position and play it from there however many times you want. You can select positions in the track to be played in loop. You can do all this and much more at the touch of a button/finger. But the thing that bugs me is, we’ve been using such pointing devices since the early 90’s or something [I dunno], but even today, when movies depict time travel, they show a hi-tech contraption that can fling you back and forth in time, but in a tape-recorderly fashion. A person who travels from 2012 to 2000 BC has to wait in that time machine for a specific amount of time, where objects in front of him roll, scroll or pass by extremely fast before he lands on the desired time point. And if he wanted to go to 20000 BC, he’d have to wait longer. The farther you wanna go, the longer you gotta wait. If the inventor of the gizmo was really a smarty-pants, why did not he design it Winamp style? Touch the point of time you wanna go and you’ll be there in no time, in a non-linear or discontinuous manner?? Don’t tell me it’s not possible. This kind of jumping is possible even in gramophones, aka the big daddy to all cassette players.
So the cassette’s predecessor could jump, the cassette’s successor could jump, but the cassette cannot. Yet we don’t look at it as a disability, we all loved the Walkman very much, in fact more than the CD-mans. The only close competition to this device was the mono FM player, which had that edge over the cassette player in that it operated on a pair of AA batteries and you could listen to the commentary of an entire cricket match during a blackout. And here in India, both cricket matches and powercuts are everyday events [I’d like to mention here that I’m typing this on my laptop that says it has 83% charge left [82 now] and my locality is in a scheduled blackout]. The genius among folks had a cassette player + FM apparatus that ran on batteries and AC power. But unfortunately 2 batteries were seldom enough, and even 6 batteries could not afford to run the tape’s motor and then survive to power the FM. So our beloved cassette ruled happily next to its queen, the mono FM.
The time machine is just one example of how we’re all obsessed to slow continuous transition. Even in the best of stereo amps or music players or home theatres, we have round multi-turn volume controls, instead of Volume up/down buttons like the ones in their remote controls. Digital media players have analog controls, the FM radio app in my smartphone has analog scrolling, my refrigerator and my washing machine have analog controls [and yes, I look like a cave man in front of my neighbour who has one of those fancy singing fridges]. My point is, just like the volume knob in our music payers, change is slow. The more you wanna change, the more time it takes. But just like the volume button in the remote of the very same music player, change is certain. It won’t be very long before we get to say goodbye to the dial-knob. But as far as time-machines are concerned, I doubt if movies will ever resort to zippy jumping between points of time, at least not at the expense of their credibility.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

The untold secret

And now I present to you...


Sunday, July 22, 2012

Life because of the Metro



The CMRL is supposedly a very ambitious project that will change the landscape of SINGARA CHENNAI forever. But, even before the train has chugged [I can't help but use the word chug for an article about rail] its way into the city, it's changing the landscape, and not only that, but the minds of the people as well. So as the Metro rail will, in the near future, be helping people go about their daily work [just as the Suburban and MRTS are doing already] its construction works are helping people in a more subtle and unexpected way. This is how...

Honey, I found the 1st gear!!


The most important thing that the Metro Rail has taught me is the importance of the first gear in my vehicle.

If it were Mumbai [or to some extent, Bangalore] I'd have known it better. But being in Chennai, the first gear is one of the most forgotten things [after rains/monsoon, winter and electricity]. Only when you go on a trip to some other cities in India, do we see rains and electricity.


So, as the Metro Rail construction work started, traffic speed on the roads is restricted to 5 kmph [even an Ambassador runs faster than that]. So, first gear becomes visible to the human eye.

Diplomatic car drivers, therefore, use the first gear to travel within the city, while speed thirsty motor maniacs ignore the first gear and also, ignore the whole vehicle and start walking, as their feet take them faster to their destinations than their cars ever can.

We need change

Actual route from Kathipara to T nagar during CMRL construction

When a little man, exhibits his mischievous self by showing to the world, some acts of what he thinks is bravery, his parents go "This is as far as it goes! You must change your ways, boy!!"

That is exactly what the Metro Rail tells us too… Change your ways.
For, because of the raising of gigantic pillars most roads have been blocked and the rest been turned into one-ways, you can not travel the path you took for your to-journey, for your return journey.

And the beauty of it is that, all the roads that have been changed to one-ways have been so accurately done so, keeping in mind that, no matter who you are, where you're from, what your destination is, your return journey will always be twice as long as your onward one, even if it means just moving the car you parked in front of the gate to your garage.

If you haven't heard me right, do it now… Change your ways!

Take it slow



Ever wondered how they make those classy Hollywood movies, where there is a crook on the loose and cops chase him down in a car?

The crook is behind the wheels of a Mercedes he just hijacked. Then there are sirens and the red-blue lighted cop cars come to the hot pursuit of the vehicle. The culprit pokes his head out of the window and blasts 2 shots from his magnum. 2 cops die. Then, right from the middle of nowhere comes one of these two- Bruce Willis or Spiderman.


The hero dodges all the bullets that the thief shoots [Spiderman serpentines with his web, and Bruce Willis, well.. He just crouches]. And then the crook's ammo goes empty. The hero jumps right onto [where else?] the hood of the car, breaks the entire windshield with his bare fists and pulls out the bandit. All this, while the car is running on top gear. How do you suppose this is possible? Or much better, how do you suppose this is possible for you to see?

If your answer is high speed slo-mo cameras, you're fantastic. But in reality, there is a simpler solution. Shoot the bloody scenes in Chennai! With the metro being built, everything actually goes slo-mo, so you can save on the camera costs. Also, since the process is ridiculously slow, you can shoot the things and even live-stream it in slo-mo. In fact,it's slower than BSNL 3G!! [No offence, though].

Close, Closer, Closest


Bringing people closer together is one thing easier said than done. Many have claimed to have been doing that but none so visibly successful as the Metro Rail.


With the Metro, people think, as many people use the service, a lot of people will be travelling together, and so, as long as the destinations are many, one can see a lot of closeness among people. But the thing is, the cost of the metro journey from one point to another is so high [MTC fare hike not taken into account] that the masses actually avoid using it. Again, the only people who will be able to use the air-conditioned metro rail are the ones who already own air-conditioned sedans.

Then how does the metro bring people together, you ask? We go back to the same traffic jams we've been talking about so far. With the roads becoming half as wide, the vehicular population becoming twice as many, the traffic becomes 4 times as heavy. And where do they all go? That's right- to the roads! So, we now have 8 persons [Yeah, I know you think it's 4; but human population also increases boss] to share the space that was previously designated for one. And voila! Closeness!!

Go Green

Who said "Trees give us shade?"


The metro tracks [the overhead part of it] gives more shade than a tree can ever give in its life. Ashoka the Great, would have been twice as great as he is today, if he had just built Metro Rails than to have planted trees.

Get Lost


The other impact of the Metro, and possibly the one most advantageous to the general populace is the ease with which you can find where you are.

GPRS, GPS and even 3G can be useless when you don't know where you are in Chennai, but when you say "I'm in this part of the Metro rail works", "I'm near this broken segment of the metro tracks", "I'm in this place of the city where the MTC-Suburban-MRTS-Metro-Road-People converge", people will easily track you down to the last digit of the latitude and longitude you're in.

This way, you can never get lost. Even if you do, just ask the passersby for directions to the nearest CMRL construction site and walk all the way along, instead of asking directions to your own home. This in fact is easier, and you have a higher chance of ending up at the metro construction site, than at your home.

And as they say, ALL ROADS LEAD TO THE METRO!

Monday, July 9, 2012

My doubt

Yosinga....


Thursday, July 5, 2012

The real story...


Vaa daa Zuckerburgu.... ;)



Sunday, June 17, 2012

One name, two worlds

Enga kittayum oru NATASHA irukkanga!!



Fuck the Romans

Here's a list of all statements great people say. This is not a self-improvement session.This is a collection of all the advice-lines I hate. Why? Lemme tell you why...


THE BOX

Remember that guy [every guy] asking you to "think out of the box"? What does he mean by that exactly? Huh??
Who told you to get into the box?? And if you don't know it already, why did someone create the box in the first place? Stop listening to these people. The box is there for a reason! And while you're at it, why not think ABOUT the box? You'll be surprised to see how the box influences people.
Everyone has a box. Mainly It's just a shoe box. There are interesting things in it. Personal things like snapshots, letters, little trinkets from Christmas. Envelopes, photo, calling cards, notes. Sort of an unconscious collection, a display. Each thing tells something very intimate about the people. Its like a diary.... But actually they want someone to see it.
-Following [1998]

THE BIRD

Don't deny it! You've heard it a million times. 'Son! wake up early in the morning', 'Wake up with the sun', 'Early to bed early to rise'. I'm particularly puzzled by this lie that goes- Early bird catches the worm. I still don't get it. Do the birds that wake up late in the afternoon die of starvation? You'll never know. But what's funny is the worm's standpoint.

Early bird catches the worm! But look at what the worm got for waking up so early!!
-Lulu [date forgotten]


THE FUTURE

This one is highly famous. "The future is now!" I think it's the tagline of some company. What they fail to see is that, now is NOT the future... Not in the future too! The person who came up with the line is actually exhibiting his disability to understand English Grammar. [Now= present; Then=Future] In other words he never passed English-II paper in any of his classes.

ALL MIGHTY THEN

Might makes Right! This is true to some extent, but I hate this line for it being too simplistic that it looks like a spelling error. I mean, if the person in the above paragraph failed in English-II, the inventor of this line probably failed in English-I.

CONNECTING PEOPLE

All I can hear today is this- 'Connect with people!', 'You need a lot of contacts', 'Connect with people to get things done!' I'd say connect with people only if you want STDs. Or you can also try another type of 'Connecting with people'.



BEING HUMAN

The line you're gonna see now is quite personal and it comes out only if you get into an emotional fight. 'Be yourself!' A confusing one indeed. Why does a person need to change oneself? And if the second person realises that you have changed, wouldn't he have changed too? [At least that's what chaos theory says]. Understand that you are yourself, and you do the things you do, all for a reason [however unreasonable it may be]. More importantly you need to be the person shown below to truly 'change' yourself.



ASK

'Ask and you shall receive' is possibly the most powerful lie in the world. While this may hold true for traffic policemen asking for money, the rest of the world seems to be in total disagreement. For example, I asked my dad to get me a bike [2004]; My mom asked me to study well [since 1993]; my brother asked me rupees 15.75 [1999]; My biology teacher asked me something about mitochondria [2005]. I'm very clear that none of us received what we asked for.

THE HEART

You can hear them whining all their lives. 'Follow your heart', 'Do what your heart feels like'. I have the perfect answers to both your lines. First, to follow your heart, you need to surgically remove it from your chest and lay it on the road, allowing it to go wherever it wants to, and then following it, while all along, the blood-plumbing stays intact. This would make you no different than a dog chasing its own tail.


And for the next line. If you really want to do what your heart likes, buy a submersible electric pump and start pumping blood. Nobody cares where you're pumping your blood to, as long as you pump, coz, you know you're just doing what your heart likes.

THE ATTITUDE

When someone says 'Change your attitude', I get angry. Really really angry!! So angry that even HULK would go hide somewhere. I get to decide what attitude I have. I AM my attitude. And if you're not ok with it, that's no way my problem. And if I start thinking that I really need a change in my attitude, then the whole point of having an attitude fails, for I don't change my attitude like I change the bullet cartridge in my gun. My attitude IS my gun and kevlar!
This is MY FUCKING GAME!!
-Ajith Kumar, Mankatha [2011]


WHEN IN ROME 

Have you ever thought what a Roman will do when he is in Rome? And what you will do when you're in Rome? First, they eat Roman food, and you eat Roman food. But since it does not exist anymore, you'll both eat Italian food [Note: Italian != Roman].

What's the difference, you ask? It's as simple as an Englishman playing cricket compared to an Indian playing it. It's just not your game, although you might play it better. He's eating it with the noise and clumsiness of a true-blood Italian, while the best you do to Italian food is to stare at it. That's because the only other time you've seen so many colours together is on HOLI, and the closest you can get to Italian food is PIZZA from DOMINO'S [Although I highly doubt its authenticity as Italian]. You long for your chapati and sambhar rice and daydream about munching them with your bare hands, while the Italian uses exactly 7 kinds of spoons every meal.

And more importantly, when an Italian says fashion, he means the most modern, expensive and creative designs from the fashion capital Milan, Italy. When you say you love fashion, you actually refer to the most expressionless, anorexic and scarcely attired girls from FTV's capital, Paris. And mind you, Milan and Paris are not close to each other.

So the next time you're in Rome, /\ read the title /\.......

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Welcome home, again


This is gonna be my first post of my second innings in the blog world. And just like a sequel to a blockbuster movie [I hope], a number of friends of mine [and many others], who had expressed their interest in seeing me take up writing again, were eager to read this. Hence I utilise this chance to take things off my mind and on to the keyboard.

There are a number of things that I learnt in my year-long vacation from words. Before I disclose that, I'll take you through what it took me to quit [as I called it]. As you might have known, I got a job in Ashok Leyland, an Indian auto-major. And I was put through a training of a peculiar nature. You don't want the details, but you should know that it sucked up most of my time, energy and a good proportion of my health. As a result, you may find my writing style hereon, a little different. And hopefully, for the better. Along with humor-induced texts, I also plan to do the following...
  • I've always wanted to speak to a crowd - So, I'm gonna start a series of posts picturing my opinion on a variety of subjects
  • I've always wanted to teach - So, you can expect a few articles intended for the nerd inside
  • I've always had an eye for art- So, I will post a number of pictures
  • I've always been attracted to fantasies - So, you will see them in the line of stories that I plan to spin
This is quite the summary of my new game plan. Since I decide to take writing more seriously, here are a few more things that I will do.
  • I will not promote my posts through SMS [you can use RSS or Networked blogs to stay connected]
  • I will publish posts at regular intervals [this is gonna be my exercise]
  • I will maintain the simplicity and structure of my blog [this, my promise]
Like I said, the new version of my blog will be quite different. And I'd want you to provide me feedback to make the transition more comfortable.

I welcome you to my blog, the second time.