Thursday, June 30, 2011

வந்தான் வென்றான்... and சென்றான்

Hey, hi! How you doin??

It's been such a busy time for many of us, and at this crucial juncture, i'd like to retire.
Yup... I can hear your "Hurrah!!"s from here.

It's a mere accident that brought me to the world of blogging. And I've had quite a wonderful journey so far. I've touched quite a few topics, and even now, I wanna write an article about Reality shows. But i'd rather choose not to. Many of my posts were aimed at humour and I can proudly say I've made many of you laugh [or at the least, smile]. Thank you for your patience and patronage. I'm sure you won't be troubled by my notifications about the blog anymore. Many have read it voraciously, many for light reading, many have commented on it, and many have appreciated me [I can never forget the titles 'Cyrus Broacha of Nanganallur' and 'Successor to Balakumar']. I wanna thank you all.

All good things must come to an end.
Some bad things also come to an end.

I hope that my blog falls under the 1st category. Even if you think it falls under the 2nd, thank you, for atleast you've read it...
Adieu, Adios, Arrivederci, Goodbye, Sayōnara and VANAKKAM... :)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The unconstitutional right to contempt

It’s here. It’s big. And it’s spreading fast.

It might sound like I’m describing some disease or some cult. Well, I’m not talking about either. I’m warning you. If you’re vulnerable to sexually explicit content, please redirect from this page.

Since the decriminalization of homosexuality in India in 2009, things have been stirred up. I don’t know if it’s for the right or wrong, but yes, it’s raising a lot of hype. We’ve read about LGBT [Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender], and even had hard laughs with romantic comedies with a mild flavor of gayishness in Dostana and Goa.

Ok, why am I saying all this to you? Today I read an article in THE HINDU [‘Flight of the Rainbow coalition’ in NXG dated 23/6/2011]. Just like there is a ‘GAY PRIDE’ in the US of A, they’ve started a march here in Chennai. Guys of my age… I’m sure you’ve learnt about homosexuality from books and the media, and definitely not from your parents. So what if a child, say 5 years old takes a walk on the Marina beach road with his grandma, and looks at this march? Any curious mind will ask the question, “Paatti! Who are those people? And what are they doing? What does ‘gay’ mean??” This naturally forces the poor old lady to deliberately lie to the young one, purely because of the fact that, the child is not old enough, or more clearly the mind of the child is not mature enough to understand the concept. Of course she can always take a detour- tell the child that ‘gay’ means ‘happy’ [yes, it does!] and those people in the parade wanna be happy. The immediate response of the kid would be “Paatti! Paatti! Then, I wanna be gay too!!” Well, I’m sure many of us don’t wanna hear that from our grandchildren.

This is the thing that bugs me. There are a lot of people out there who have problems with their sexuality. While the rich ones make it to Singapore and US and become Rose, Lily and Lavender, while those who are not, go to Chennai Central and pester the passengers of trains and plunder. I mean, who gave you the right? I’ve seen a number of cases where the transgender asks [not politely, but rather in a forceful manner] for money, and the person, due to some inherent feeling of nervousness, gives some bucks [The trans does not accept any coins, the minimum ‘fee’ being 10 rupees]. But if he doesn’t, the trans will stroke the guy’s hair, caress the body and even his private parts [such movements can be seen only in Simbu's intro songs in tamil movies]. Only a person of steely resolve will still hold strong. Let me ask something to the trans people. Will you offer money to some straight guy if he does the same to you? You’d rather scream and shout and gather man power to beat the shit out of that guy!! So what gives you the right to do something onto others, what you’d never wanna have done to yourself? Curiously, the transgenders never seem to try that on women. That way, I’m happy that at least they are safe.

About the people who really have problems… Some have taken strides to become software engineers, TV show hosts and into other professions of good income and name. They even have organizations and self-help groups. There are laws to protect and safeguard their rights as humans [on the contrary, there are no laws to protect straight people]. Then why do they keep on troubling innocent straight civilians? Is it our fault to be straight? It is those people who have been reasons for their own doom. Not anybody else. But the only thing that makes me feel sorry for them is the portrayal of such people in movies. But again, after what I’ve seen I really can’t make a statement.

I feel that it’s ok if people do corrective surgery to get rid of sexual disorders. I mean, it’s just like any other surgery, it’s just that it’ll make the person fit for something that he was not. But sex-change surgeries, I feel, are leading people in a wrong direction. Genoplasty, as scientists say, can turn a male into a female, and vice versa. This, I hate for 2 reasons
  • Changing a child’s sex in foetal stage or in infancy denies the child of its right to choose its sex
  • Changing one’s sex in adult stage sounds a little meaningless to me, coz if you have a problem with that, you can always approach LGBT help centres. But in the long run, it is relatively ok, for the person undergoes the surgery with his complete consent, and nobody can deny one of one’s rights

The first case is prevalent in some parts of India, as they change the sex of the foetus from female to male with the help of some hormones. By simple mathematics, this is twice as harmful as female infanticide, and it can drastically affect the male-female ratio. In most hospitals of the country determination of the sex of the foetus is illegal. So, as long as there are no hard forged laws to put a check on such surgeries, the ratio problem will only loom larger.

And coming back to the GAY PRIDE. I sincerely do not understand what’s so proud about being gay. It’s just another state of being. I mean, I’m not proud to be straight, and definitely not proud to be male [Yeah, I’ve seen the slogans ‘Proud to be a woman’. As if they got anything else to be??!!]. But that’s what is destined for me. And at no point of time I’m gonna regret that, because I’ve got bigger problems to worry about and bigger things to do, than hold a signboard in my hand that says ‘Proud to be a man’ on Men’s’ day [Wait a minute! Do we really have something called Men’s day?? Oh well…] I strictly believe that one can very well be proud of something that he’s earned out of his own hard labour. Let me illustrate.
  • One cannot be proud of his nationality or race. I mean you cannot be proud to be an Indian, or a Tamil, or a Bengali or a Punjabi. I can hear your ‘boo’s from here. But the thing is, what did YOU do to be born in India? You are one among 1.21 billion Indians, 72.1 million tamils etc. You can’t be proud of something like that. That doesn’t make sense. As Valluvar says- PIRAPPOKKUM ELLA UYIRKKUM SIRAPPOVVA SEITHOZHIL VETRUMAIYAAN.
  • Now is where I wanna contradict Valluvar- SIRAPPOVVA SEITHOZHIL VETRUMAIYAN. Even that is not right, because every form of work is important to human life as we are all interdependent. A barber cannot be compared to a farmer, who cannot be compared to a software professional, in terms of the work they do. All forms of work are important and all kinds of people are important as long as they are sincere in the work they do. ENDHA THOZHIL SEIDHAL ENNA SEIYYUM THOZHIL DHEIVAM ENRU PATTUKKOTTAI PAATTIL SONNARE says Rajni. “Well, being an actor is no different from being a rugby player or a construction worker, save for the fact that my tools are the mechanisms that trigger human emotion” says actor Kirk Lazarus [Tropic Thunder].
  • One cannot be proud to have a dad or a mom like the one he/she already does. Rather, one can say he’s lucky to have such parents. On the other hand, one can always be proud [instead of lucky] to have children like he/she does. That’s because people put sincere efforts to bring up their children, and it’s because of them, their children are the way they are.
  • One cannot be proud of one’s gender

On the other hand
  • One can be proud of one’s salary, even if it’s a single paisa, for he has earned it out of sweat
  • One can be proud of one’s actions, even if it is the smallest help to your neighbor
  • One can be proud of one’s feats, even if they don’t’ make it to the GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS

The essence of my argument is that one can be proud of things that one invents/creates/earns, and not for anything else. My point? Be proud of what you did, not what you are. Of course, actions speak louder than words, don’t they?

So being gay is definitely not something one needs to be proud of.

The last thing that pisses me off is women’s rights. Even today I saw a number of women sitting on seats on the right side of the bus [where I live, the left is for women and the right, men], while all those who were standing were men. Same is the case with trains. The general coaches are jam-packed with people while the women’s coaches are free most of the time. This is what I call sexual discrimination. I remember someone saying ‘You can’t have the cake and eat it too’. Now women have their cakes and eat men’s too. A nasty blow to the guy who invented the proverb.

I do believe in sexual equality, of men, women and everyone in between. But these are a few things that make me turn my back at the idea. I hope some day the society will be free from all evils [starting from robbery and murder to sexual evils]. But until then I remain anti-LGBT, anti-feminist and anti-‘anything that hurts my feelings’, for I belong to the weak, uncared and unprivileged sex.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Another ordinary useless day

I can’t sleep. It’s not that I’ve already had a small day-time nap, but I can’t sleep. Something is bothering my mind. It’s 1 in the am and it’s totally awkward for a boy of my age to wake up in the middle of the night [either way, 1 o clock isn’t exactly the middle, but I think you get my point]. You can argue that many youngsters in fact ARE awake at this time of the night, texting or talking to their loved ones [loved ones- sarcasm intended]. But I don’t… Pretty much because almost no girl texts me during the day in the first place, let alone at night. If kadalai is a measure of one’s social status, then I come under the ‘Most Backward Class’.

Filling up my contract forms almost took a couple of days. And now, it’s over. I have almost 10 days to what I can call ‘My call from above!’ Yeah… My company wants me to take charge in 10 days. And so, this is officially the last ‘summer holidays’ I’m gonna have. My stomach is giving out sounds that could otherwise be heard from tyrannosauruses in JURASSIC PARK movies. Damn it! I’m hungry.

I go to the kitchen in slow motion and see if I can find something to eat. When I switch on the light, all I can see in the dim yellow glow of the 25W SURYA BULB is a family of cockroaches. I’m not sure if they’re literally from a single family, but yeah, they sure look similar… I go back to the hall and bring in there the day’s DINAMALAR newspaper, roll it into a club and beat those roaches. A brilliant timepass for a 21-year old at 2 am. Just like those hungry ambitious cockroaches [which I mercilessly assassinated just now] I too search the kitchen, move from shelf to shelf in search of food. Nothing…. The night’s share of rice has been soaked in water, the idli maavu dabba is empty, no milk, and as a last resort, I look for the mighty pottu kadalai. Just then, I find a pack of GOOD DAY biscuits, half-empty. I finish the remaining 5 in the pack and crush the wrapper. I threw it in the dustbin and take a drink of ice-water from the fridge. I hope at least now I’ll be able to sleep.

I roll this side, I roll that side, I place my leg on my brother, who now sounds like a TAFE tractor, snoring… Shit! I can’t sleep. I become extremely desperate, type the expression “Hi!!J” in my mobile and send it to a couple of friends. What am I thinking?? Who’d be awake at 3.30 in the morning, just because I can’t sleep? Oh well… I start to do something useful- visit Wikipedia in my mobile’s Opera Mini 5. I start to read about Hollywood actors. That’s where I go wrong. I should instead read something that is classified boring, so I’ll go to sleep…

It’s 4.15 and I still can’t sleep. But those tyrannosaurs inside my tummy have been silent for quite some time. Something is better than nothing. Enough of this! If sleep doesn’t come to me, I should better be going to it. Varamattennu sonnana?? Appo NAAMA povom!!! I get up and roll my jamakkaalam and pillow. I run upstairs to the motta maadi and try to catch some sleep there, where it’s cooler. No. Even nature is against me. The sun is approaching and the sky pretends to be a chameleon and changes colour. A number of crows circle above where I lay. One of them sits on a PVC pipe that is one of the arteries of my apartment’s water supply. Immediately the others follow it. So, when one lands on the pipe, the one which is already on the pipe flies away due to the jerk [I’m not scolding the crow. I mean the physical jerk on the pipe] making a hell lot of noise. Now I see where the inspiration to the ANGRY BIRDS game comes from.

Ok. If you can’t beat them, join them. Once in a few years I wake up at such early hours and so it wouldn’t hurt to do a little sandhya vandhanam. And then while I count from 1 to 30 for a small pushup routine, I notice something. A few years ago, there were only poles and clothes line on the motta maadis, but now every building has these little dishes- receivers of DTH. And how many different kinds of them! Airtel, Videocon, Sun Direct, Dish TV, Reliance Big TV, Tata Sky… Which brings me to the question- What is the need to include a rhyming tagline for something relating to technology? [Isko lagaa daalaa, toh life jingaalaalaa, Veettukku veedu Sun, Tan tanaa tan] I mean, what does jingaalaalaa mean? Oh well…

I brush my teeth, take a bath and have my breakfast. I sit down for another day of strenuous TV watching. And voila! Powercut!! I might as well go to the bank. They have a backup generator there. SBI Nanganallur is always a busy place, no matter what part of the year it is. There is always the thirumann-srichurnam clad mama who can’t differentiate between the withdrawal slip and the deposit challan. Then there is the droopy old lady with a walking stick who wants someone to fill her form so she can take home her late husband’s pension money. There is this middle-aged lady who is ready to grab a seat as soon as it is vacant. There is the other middle-aged lady who wants you to donate your seat to her. There is this NRI guy who always has problems with this account. Finally, there is this cute cuddly scantily dressed [sleeveless low neck t-shirt (or banian) with a low hip jean with the bottom rolled till the thigh. If you don’t think this is glamour, I don’t know what is] girl with excessive makeup making her seem like she’s not from around these places. If it were not for the last category of people, nobody in the suburb would have even had an account in the branch. It is a cardinal rule that every token on the counter had a difference of at least 50 with the one currently dispatched. For me? It is 200. Finishing with the banking and going on with brunch.

After that the general facebook routine, followed by the mail checking process and the disciplined blog reading procedure. Then again with the TV watching routine. Very well with the hours going by. I can understand that you find that grammar is missing from the above sentences. Oh well, evvalavo panrom, idha panna mattoma?  It’s night now and it’s time for supper [again]. Again with the TV watching schedule. AXN, S-PIX, Movies NOW… Conclude the day with Phineas & Ferb. Glory to the soul which introduced me to it. As always I end the day with the usual thoughts that every Indian mind thinks before it goes to sleep-

Why is India a dumping ground for most 3rd grade products?

When will we have a clean democracy and unadulterated politics?

Why is Katrina Kaif so cute?