Hi guys. I’ll get right down to business. I’ve been in this “Living in the hostel business” for quite a while. So it is bestowed upon me by the holy Lord that I guide my fellow தமிழன்s in this ominous life of 4 years. I do this because my Godfather (!) Mr. Samuel L Jackson told me to.
“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish, and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee”
Ezekiel (25:17) [now stolen from PULP FICTION]
Well, I’ve been the weak and I've been the evil. Now I take a chance to be the righteous man. And I accomplish this by leaking out the secret which was carried on generation after generation only by an elite group of people. No no, not the Knights templar/Priory of Sion/Illuminati/Freemasons kinda guys. They all retired when Tom Hanks started acting in those shitty movies. The dudes I was referring to are the hostel wardens. The commandments were delivered by Yahweh [Founder- Anna University, Madras] and were duly noted down by Moses [First engineering graduate of TamilNadu]. But Moses wasn’t given due respect, and so he posted it on his blog. This totally pissed off Yahweh. So, he took out his pen and failed Moses in all subjects Moses wrote. Poor Moses is now a typical washout, but he shared with me his wisdom. Ok. Here goes…
The 10 commandments of hostel life
1. Thou shalt brush thy teeth everyday
The key behind his commandment is that the hosteler, though an animal he may be, should not be verbally abused as one, and so he is expected to brush his teeth at least once a day.
2. Thou shalt take a holy bath everyday
Also, since most hostelers don't take a bath everyday, bathrooms are obviously one of the most peaceful places one can spend his time in. And so this law.
3. Thou shalt miss breakfast everyday
The thumb rule of hostel life is that one always wakes up at such a time in the morning, that he has time to do only one of the two things namely excrete or eat, and not both. So logically, if he follows the aforesaid two commands, he misses breakfast.
4. Thou shalt be late to class everyday
What's the point in going early to class when all you're gonna do in the class is sleep? So, go to class just before the 1st lecture is over, or atleast before the 1st professor of the day gets mad. Anything more than that can be considered as an act of 'showing off'.
5. Thou shalt not maintain an attendance percentage more than what is necessary
In colleges where attendance is necessary to write the semesters, stay near the prescribed cutoff. If marks are allotted for extra attendance, one should selflessly sacrifice those marks. If attendance does not carry any mark, then by rule, DO NOT GO TO COLLEGE.
6. Thou shalt curse your professors for some reason or the other
It's been printed on human DNA that students and teachers are deadly enemies. It is by some great force of nature that they co-exist [Like protons and electrons in an atom. They both are in the atom together. But we don't know why/how. When excited, some electrons, possibly those with the highest energy, break the energy barrier and leave the atom. Likewise, when excited, some students, possibly those with the lowest GPA, leave the classroom]. So it's only natural that the students curse professors, and vice versa.
7. Thou shalt not study until it is too late
No engineer would have touched his textbook atmost 2 days before his exams. Some engineers even go to extremes and start studying just hours before the exams. They are called legends.
8. Thou shalt not use your roommate’s jatti
Although the prime motto of living in hostels is caring and sharing, students should not use one another's underwear. This is not for some reasons of sanitation, but for the simple fact that no two humans can have the exact same sized jattis that perfectly fit them [because of the apparent reason that no two humans are equally 'sized'].
9. Thou shalt not watch X rated porn
Seemingly impossible in hostel life, this can be academically termed a crime because, those who don't wanna watch porn should rightfully abstain from it. And those who do wanna watch porn must upgrade themselves to XX and XXX categories.
10. Thou shalt not succumb to turning gay
This is easily the most difficult thing to do. But one who is capable of accomplishing it is technically a hero. This task may become even more difficult for people with sexy roommates [boys with a 6-pack ab, girls with an hourglass figure, et al]
These were the exact words that Moses told me. Some of you might already been feeling guilty that you've missed a number of rules mentioned above. And a few others might have got the idea of closing this tab [Ctrl + F4] and do something stupider than reading my blog [watching Thirumathi Selvam or the IPL match of KXIP vs DC for instance]. For the last category of people [like myself] who wonder what happened to Moses after he gave me this piece of wisdom, i humbly give you the answer. He has found solace and salvation from the perils of being an engineer. He is now placed in TCS. :)