Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The ten commandments of hostel life


Hi guys. I’ll get right down to business. I’ve been in this “Living in the hostel business” for quite a while. So it is bestowed upon me by the holy Lord that I guide my fellow தமிழன்s in this ominous life of 4 years. I do this because my Godfather (!) Mr. Samuel L Jackson told me to.

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish, and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee”
Ezekiel (25:17) [now stolen from PULP FICTION]
Well, I’ve been the weak and I've been the evil. Now I take a chance to be the righteous man. And I accomplish this by leaking out the secret which was carried on generation after generation only by an elite group of people. No no, not the Knights templar/Priory of Sion/Illuminati/Freemasons kinda guys. They all retired when Tom Hanks started acting in those shitty movies. The dudes I was referring to are the hostel wardens. The commandments were delivered by Yahweh [Founder- Anna University, Madras] and were duly noted down by Moses [First engineering graduate of TamilNadu]. But Moses wasn’t given due respect, and so he posted it on his blog. This totally pissed off Yahweh. So, he took out his pen and failed Moses in all subjects Moses wrote. Poor Moses is now a typical washout, but he shared with me his wisdom. Ok. Here goes…



The 10 commandments of hostel life

1. Thou shalt brush thy teeth everyday
    The key behind his commandment is that the hosteler, though an animal he may be, should not be verbally abused as one, and so he is expected to brush his teeth at least once a day.

2. Thou shalt take a holy bath everyday
   Also, since most hostelers don't take a bath everyday, bathrooms are obviously one of the most peaceful places one can spend his time in. And so this law.

3. Thou shalt miss breakfast everyday
   The thumb rule of hostel life is that one always wakes up at such a time in the morning, that he has time to do only one of the two things namely excrete or eat, and not both. So logically, if he follows the aforesaid two commands, he misses breakfast.

4. Thou shalt be late to class everyday
   What's the point in going early to class when all you're gonna do in the class is sleep? So, go to class just before the 1st lecture is over, or atleast before the 1st professor of the day gets mad. Anything more than that can be considered as an act of 'showing off'.

5. Thou shalt not maintain an attendance percentage more than what is necessary
    In colleges where attendance is necessary to write the semesters, stay near the prescribed cutoff. If marks are allotted for extra attendance, one should selflessly sacrifice those marks. If attendance does not carry any mark, then by rule, DO NOT GO  TO COLLEGE.

6. Thou shalt curse your professors for some reason or the other
   It's been printed on human DNA that students and teachers are deadly enemies. It is by some great force of nature that they co-exist [Like protons and electrons in an atom. They both are in the atom together. But we don't know why/how. When excited, some electrons, possibly those with the highest energy, break the energy barrier and leave the atom. Likewise, when excited, some students, possibly those with the lowest GPA, leave the classroom]. So it's only natural that the students curse professors, and vice versa.

7. Thou shalt not study until it is too late
   No engineer would have touched his textbook atmost 2 days before his exams. Some engineers even go to extremes and start studying just hours before the exams. They are called legends.

8. Thou shalt not use your roommate’s jatti
   Although the prime motto of living in hostels is caring and sharing, students should not use one another's underwear. This is not for some reasons of sanitation, but for the simple fact that no two humans can have the exact same sized jattis that perfectly fit them [because of the apparent reason that no two humans are equally 'sized'].

9. Thou shalt not watch X rated porn
   Seemingly impossible in hostel life, this can be academically termed a crime because, those who don't wanna watch porn should rightfully abstain from it. And those who do wanna watch porn must upgrade themselves to XX and XXX categories.

10. Thou shalt not succumb to turning gay
   This is easily the most difficult thing to do. But one who is capable of accomplishing it is technically a hero. This task may become even more difficult for people with sexy roommates [boys with a 6-pack ab, girls with an hourglass figure, et al]

These were the exact words that Moses told me. Some of you might already been feeling guilty that you've missed a number of rules mentioned above. And a few others might have got the idea of closing this tab [Ctrl + F4] and do something stupider than reading my blog [watching Thirumathi Selvam or the IPL match of KXIP vs DC for instance]. For the last category of people [like myself] who wonder what happened to Moses after he gave me this piece of wisdom, i humbly give you the answer. He has found solace and salvation from the perils of being an engineer. He is now placed in TCS. :)

Bye bye...

8 comments:

  1. Introduction is good da ! do you think would any college student be unaware of these 10 points ?. All of us do the same as mentioned . anyway good 1 again , keep blogging :)

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  2. interesting blog achu... i didnt know there were such commandments concerning hostels... good one :)

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  3. Good one... Atlast a complete monolingual blog...

    You can even add something more...
    1) Thou shall wash clothes regularly
    2) Thou shall visit canteen in free hours and be there for 55 mins.
    3) Thou shall not study a word and get the best boy in the class to proxy you for the interview
    4) Thou shall find peace in the notebooks of the most studious, for the pass mark.
    5) Group study improves the score in semester, very similar are the stic pens.
    6) Must chat or call your girl friend and ask her if she ate... If possible wake her up and ask if she 's asleep
    7) you can listen to certain boys in the class for hours and benefit nothing out of it
    8) There must be 5 people per class to prepare for GATE and CAT. If there are not 5, you may join.
    9) Thou shall not allow anyone dwell in peace. So, you must have 5 speakers and a woofer. And, by god's grace you may even have a fabulous voice (like satheesh's)

    if i write the tenth, author would feel bad... ;-)

    gud da. Keep posting... Better humor is expected... ;-)

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  4. @Srivatsan: Your answer lies beneath your question.:)

    @Saranya: Thanks...:)

    @Raghu: Correct dhan- adhuvum andha 4th point romba correct;) 6th pointla unakku dhan neraiya experience. 8th point Nobel prize perum. Kadaisila voicenu sollittu Kamal-a vittuttiye??:P

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  5. Good one.. I wished you included a line " one Who Lived in Hostels(esp. GCT) can live anywhere in the world..

    Thanks to the "perfect" Domex Toilets of GCT.. I have a better immunity now.. :P

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  6. Nice one.. I wished u added the line..

    he who survived in Hostels (GCT Hostels in this case) survives the World.. :D

    யாம் சென்ற hostelகளிலே GCT Hostel போல் கப்பு அடிக்கும் Hostel ஐ எங்கும் காணோம்

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  7. 10 commandments um super, though you've missed certain things(which are later written by Raghu)..
    GCT hostel vaalkaiya romba enjoy pannirukka [Sorry pannirukom] pola..

    Expecting many more like this from you..!!

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