Thursday, January 6, 2011

Vampire's ratthacharithram

Hi friends! How's the new year? Any good?? Yeah, i know... Same things happening, same people passing through our windows, same figures in our class, same food at hostel/home, same set of disgusting words thrown at us... Then what's so new about this 'new year'?? Nothing except for wherever we used 2010, we're gonna use 2011 [phone numbers and pin codes excluded]. Anyhow, let's just saddle up for another idle year and kill time in 2011, just like we did in 2010.

This post is, again, an imaginary story. It is dedicated to Balaji anna, who is a regular blood donor...

February 13 2011,  6.14 pm
Undertown Chennai

“Things are looking brighter than ever, eh??”, George asked me. “You KNOW that we hate brightness!”, i hit him back. “Yeah, i do. It's just another stupid figure of speech. Hey, you're just out of enthusiasm, that's all... Here... Nothing a toffee can't cure...”, George added while stretching out his arm with the brown toffee. I took the toffee and noticed something strange on his arm.

“George! What's that scar doing on your skin?? Don't tell me you had a fight with a werewolf again”

“Ok, i won't say that...”

“Oh come on George, who is it this time? Antony??”

“Leave it, kid... Errr... It was Solomon. At the bar yesterday. We vampires sure have a bad time.”

“Ptoooiiii... What did you put in this shitty toffee??”, i asked after spitting it out. “Cat blood”, he replied, chuckling. “I hate you, George... and your fuckin toffee!”, i said and got out of his house.

It's almost night time and I don't have anything to give Mary tomorrow... What kind of a boy am i? Having nothing to give his own valentine- that too on this very special occasion. “I don't give a shit to what you do, John,”she'd say with a smile,“as long as you love me...” I've been downcast all day. George can't stand the sight of my sorrow. He always comes up with something to cheer me up- even if it means giving me a cat blood toffee...

Ok... let's get on to the formal introductions. I'm John Lucin and I'm a vampire who lives somewhere under Chennai. Like most others, i don't go sucking people's blood. Only if a vampire tastes blood, does he get addicted. Even that kind of madness can be taken care of by 30 minutes of meditation or 6 hours of sleep. Yet humans don't understand that. They're always scared of things stranger than themselves. I admit that sometimes vampires get scared of humans- the female ones when they're out of facial make-up... With extreme difficulty i managed to befriend a human boy, Kumar- roughly my age, friendly, good-looking and very decent in his words. I learnt a language that he calls Tamil [and which George calls Tamil in its ugliest form]. It is to his place that i head to, after sundown most days.

7.02 pm
Ramanathan street, T.Nagar, Chennai

I texted Kumar and he replied that he was home alone... Thank Devil! He's free tonight... Right now, he could be the only person who could help me with what i can give Mary tomorrow. When i went in, he was munching something [The sentence must have been 'whenever i went in, he would be munching something']. “Dey, adhan iruttirucchulla? Yen jannal vazhiya varra? Kadhava thattittu varalaamla??”, he asked. He usually doesn't like uninvited guests, especially when he's eating. “Hey buddy... You have to help me. I need to give Mary a present tomorrow. And i don't have enough blood!!”.

Sorry i forgot to tell you this. In our world, we don't have our economic system based on money or material. We use blood for all sorts of financial transactions. The rarer the group the more its value. A drop of O +ve human blood is around 1000 'rupees' [based on Kumar's calculations].

“Hey buddy, in my household, both your footwear and English have a place outside the doorstep- on the shoe-rack!”, Kumar scorned. He hates it when i talk to him in English. Although he can speak English fluently like a vampire, he uses only a meagre amount. “Mannichudunga thalaiva”, i said. I heard this line in a movie once. “Dey, konjam help pannra...”, i asked.

“Unakku exacta enna madhiri gift venumnu sonna, naan select panni tharen...”, he said.

“Andha eera vengayamellam engalukkum theriyum... All i want now is blood da...”, i continued.

“Enna enna panna solra? Kaiya kizhicchukkattuma??”, he started getting angry.

“Illa da... Oru 6 drop blood kuduttheenna.....”

“Kadana kudukkattuma? Eppo thiruppi tharuve??”

“Velaiyadadhe da...”

“AB +ve blood 6 drop-na.... Mmmm... Oru 36 aayiram varuma?? Enna vaangi kudukka pore? I-phone 4G-aa??”

“Oru ring paatthen. Nalla irundhudhu. Adhu Mary-ku kandippa pudikkum”

“Ennada Gowtham Menon padatthula varraa madhiri 'Surya, engappavukku unna kandippa pudikkum; Enga onnu vitta chitthappavukku unna kandippa pudikkum'nu dialog pesara??”

“Please da. Help pannu...”, i almost cried.

I think Kumar has understood the situation now. “Sari sari azhuvaadhe...”, he said,“Nee veettukku poradhukku munnadi kudukkaren...” He always helps me when in need. But never accepts anything in return.

I was preparing my romantic speech [it was so stupid, only i called it romantic] and he was reading a book on his subject or something. 45 minutes passed. He received a text msg in his Nokia 1203. He got active and immediately made a call. “Saar, enga irukkeenga?.... Ok..... Seri.... Ippove varen”, he said and ended the call. “Dress-a maathikko... Veliya kelambarom... Engannu kekkadha!”, he almost yelled.

I turned myself human [more or less] and put on a dark blue t-shirt of his... It looked awkward on me... We hopped on his bike and after crossing a block, he started talking to me. “Dey, en friend-oda friend-oda thambikku accident-am da. Blood kettirukkaan. Adhaan...” After about 15 minutes, we reached the place, after being irritated by red-light on half the signal posts we met.

8.17 pm
Apollo Hospital, Graems Road, Chennai

We rushed into the hospital and parked the bike. The guy who was waiting for us looked extremely sad and shocked... “Saar, rattham kudukka enga poganum?”, said Kumar to that guy. “Saar modhalla blood-a test panna 2nd floor poganum. Vaanga”, the guy responded. “Naan poi test-ku kudukkaren. Neenga ingiye irunga, paiyana paathukkunga”, said Kumar. A nurse came and escorted him, running. After the blood was checked and confirmed fit for transfusion, they pierced the artery that ran over Kumar's elbow with a long needle connected to a transparent tube that terminated in a thick plastic bag. While blood oozed from the tube into the bag, i inquired the guy [whom i came to know as Mr. Ravi] about the accident. “Aamam saar. Suresh en thambi. 10th padikkaraan. Eppavum jaakradhaiya dhan cycle oottuvan. Innikku enna aachunnu theriyala. Edhirla irundha kadaikkaran paathu phone panninaan enakku. Oru car idicchuttu poittudhu, kailirundhu rattham kottudhunnu. Inge Apollo-la admit pannittadha sonnanga. Udane vandhen...”, he went on.

A little boy roughly 15 years old has been a victim of rash driving and is suffering. Good thing I'm a vampire. Vampires are never a threat to other vampires. Most of the time we're attacked by werewolves or humans. We either feel no pain- all our wounds are self-healing, or die just like that. There is no “saving from death” policy here. But look at humans! They willingly or unwillingly kill their own kind and yet struggle hard to save them also. Strange, yet sensible. Suddenly he said,“Thambi, unga peru enna? Neenga Kumarukku sondhama??”.

“Illa saar. En peru John. Kumar en friend”,said i.

“Kadavul madhiri vandhu rattham kudutthu kaappatthirukkeenga. Romba thanks...”, he said with tears in his eyes.

I patted on his shoulder and went on to see the kid. He was actually a small boy, with not a strand of facial hair... “Chinna paiyan... Paavam!!”, i said to Ravi.

Just then, Kumar was done with the blood giving process. Boredom-> hatred-> frustration-> happiness-> Shock-> Grief... So many different feelings on a single day. I don't think i can take it any more... My eyes started to well. Kumar came to me and said, “Azhumoonji! Va pogalam...”

Outside the hospital, near the parking space, Kumar turned to me and said,“Blade-a vecchu verala kizhicchu dhan unakku rattham tharanumnu nenacchen. Nalla velaiya kailiye oosi kutthittaanga..” He started to remove the bandage on his elbow. I stopped him and said,“Your blood is for saving lives da... Not for buying a fucking ring. I'm really sorry da”... I started to cry again.

“Seri seri... Scene podadhe!”, Kumar intercepted.

We boarded the bike and headed back towards T.Nagar. After a minute of knifing past other vehicles, Kumar started to speak.

“Seri naalaikku Mary-ku kudukka onnume illiye unkitta? Ena panna pore??”

“Don't worry. I'll think of something”


“Naalaikku dhane? Paatthukkalaam...”

Banners heralding the sentence “Donate Blood” came to my mind. And to the left of the road was the small sign “City Speed limit- 40 kmph”. Kumar was driving at more than 60 kmph.

“Dey, ippo dhane accident ana oru paiyana paatthe?? Speeda kora da naaye...”, i barked.

“Ellam engalukku theriyum. Nee moodittu va da naaye!”, Kumar barked back...


  1. Dei.. Enna than da solla vara ?

    70 , 80 vayusula vara vendiya kuzhappam ellam ippaye vandurum pola irukku !!!

    1. Vampire ah peruma paduthariya asinga paduthariya ?

    2. Blood donation campaign ku Advertisement try panriya ?

    3. Ethavathu ponnu kitta seruppadi vaanginiya ? en ippadi thonuthu unakku ?

    4. rathacharithiram padatha redirect panna poriya ?

    ethanai kuzhappangalada athukku than ethannai kelvigalada !! tension tension mention panna mudiyatha tension !!

  2. Your answers:
    1. Rendume illa.
    2. Nope.
    3. Chumma.
    4. Unga aayaa mela sathyama illa.

    Enna panradhu?
    Ellarum ungala madhiri religion patthi ezhudha mudiyuma??