Saturday, June 26, 2010

Why we are what we are...

Hi again, again. In almost all sorts of stories, one can see the importance of confidence and self-esteem at about the time of the climax [Superhero movies, and almost all sorts of Tamil movies]. Thus it is highly important that one doesn't underestimate himself [and leave that to the professionals]. Also, one is capable of performing to his maximum only if he believes in himself. Otherwise, he'd have to renegotiate with his wife [please understand]...


The title of this post is indeed one that was thought up with the idea of boosting up one's idea on oneself and also to save oneself from the factors that have a negative influence on a person. But to be honest, i decided to end thinking of such rubbish ideas with the title. Also, it will not be credible if people go on talking to their neighbours on what is right/wrong and what should/shouldn't we do about them [We have Premananda and Nithyananda to do exactly that... and a lot of other stuff]. But, even though a person does try to abstain himself from most or all of the worldly attractions, he may not succeed in staying away from the simplest of such delights- being someone else.

The concept of imagination, i feel, must have germinated in our minds with visualisation or personification. We might have imagined ourselves as Rama [getting all sorts of things done at the snap of a finger], Krishna [having one hell of a time with all the gopikas around], Samsung [with the new Corby and all, not to mention his inhuman strength], not as mere inspirations to life- the characters being role-models of unbelievably extra-ordinary living, but also as dolt examples of being very... dolt [The imagination of girls is more like a simpleton- having to be flattered everytime a person speaks of her beauty and to spend every shilling of her finance trying to be like a movie-star, until she learns that whatever she had spent was merely waste. But I'm not so stupid as to mention it here]. But now is the time to think beyond historic anomalies, so that we may create anomalies of our own, anomalies that create history!

One such soon-to-be-a-major calamity i succeeded in avoiding is, Spiderman. Spiderman, be it comics or cartoons or movies, has been a major source of inspiration to people mainly because of its story, narration and the atmosphere [also because most of us are scared of spiders]. So it's very natural that kids imagine themselves as Spiderman, think that they'll be able to crawl walls, sling web and most importantly, hang out with Mary-Jane... Owing to such an attraction, i put myself in the Spiderman-frenzy myself. But because of some deterrent elements, i stopped thinking of such an idea.

WHY I'M NOT SPIDERMAN...

1. First and foremost, i wouldn't take photos of Kirsten Dunst while she posed in front of some stupid spiders... I'd stand right next to her and get someone to take that picture.

2. If at all a spider bites me on my hand, i'd catch it even before it catches the floor and even if it did, ஒரே மிதி... squash that spider and send it to Pete [St.Peter]...

3. If i had some sort of physical ailment because of that spider-bite [or even if i didn't], i'd take atleast one week's leave from my school, stating in my leave letter that my aunt [Meg] is terminally ill [AND get it signed from Meg herself...]

4. Tobey Maguire had probably worked out so hard that he developed a 6-pack ab overnight. But you know ME. I wouldn't do anything like that. So, if at all i wear a Spiderman outfit, i'd look more like CRAZY FROG than like Spiderman... You want proof?



5. In that wrestling match with BONE-SAW, why would i come down from the sides of the cage? I'd stay up there on the cage-walls, till the 3 minute tenure is over and in case i get bored, i'd read Yashawant Kanetkar's Let Us C...

6. In the 2 cities where I live, you can't see any building taller than 10 storeys. So, it'd be a waste even if i had the powers of web-slinging. Imagine me throwing a webshot at a house that i can very well jump over!

7. It's been running in our blood [Indian blood], that we can't keep secrets... So, me being an Indian n all, i'd let everyone know my identity, move around without my mask and so newspaper reporters would call me by my real name, rather than Spiderman [also, where i live, names are radically tamil-ified. So, they'd call me சிலந்தி or much worse, எட்டுக்கால்-பூச்சி!]

8. YOU SHOULDN'T BE ASHAMED OF WHO YOU ARE. This is one of the many points to note from the movie. So, me being webhead, I'd go straight to MJ, ask her if she likes me [and for the record, Kirsten said she loved Spiderman in Spiderman 1], and get married just before the intermission of the 1st movie. So, owing to family responsibility, i won't be doing Spiderman 2 and 3 at all!!

9. Villains... We don't have such really Villain-like villains in Chennai or Coimbatore. So, logically, there wouldn't be any need of Spiderman. So, i'd go around and make a stall, where i can earn quite a loot of money for posing in different sits and positions. Even if there are any such villains, who cares?? Just like any ordinary citizen of India, i'd stay put until my ass is burnt...

10. Lastly, owing to my current requisite, I'd include all the powers of mine- web slinging, wall crawling, zipping, jumping, punching & kicking, spider-sensing, etc. as my special skills in my Curriculum Vitae, so that at least with those in my couple of pages, TCS would recruit me!!!

These are just the first of the list of a million reasons, which will make none of us suitable for the post of a superhero.

And THAT'S WHY I CAN'T BE SPIDERMAN...[And NEITHER CAN YOU!!!]
 
{Friends, please post your comments with a view to clearly indicate what YOU would do, if you were Spiderman, or any person you dream to be, but know for sure that you can't be...}

Friday, June 18, 2010

Mommy... That prick called me a communist!!!

Hi [to those who read my blog, and also to those who land on my blog due to misspelt web-addresses]. At times i think why, at all, I'm writing this blog... Is it because i have access to the internet at a cheap price? Is it because i know all 26 alphabets of the language of the Kings? [which, by the way, means English] Is it because Blogger is free? Though i signal a partial yes to all these questions, I would definitely not fail to mention the premier reason for my works, which is, my being idle... Oh sorry, slapped by truth this time. The main reason for my writing this blog is you and yourself only. If it hadn't been for you highly savvy readers, i would have given up blogging and would have chosen to help my mom with the dishes, or, much worse, taken up studying. So, i thank you once again...

Most of you readers would have got fed up with the above sentences and would have opted to close the browser. To all the others, this post is about politics. Yes. In TamilNadu, children are taught certain fundamental rules, even before being taught அ, ஆ, இ, ஈ, the most important of which is- AS EVIDENT AS A BUS THAT TOUCHES GCT TOUCHES VENKATAPURAM ALSO, ANYTHING THAT COMES CLOSE TO CINEMA EMBRACES POLITICS ALSO. I've met cinema, now why not politics?

It was Placement-Training time and while we prepared for our betterment in English, we sat down for a Group Discussion. Our wonderful PR prepared topics for us and we, a group of four, chose one among them. It was some topic on MAOISTS, that day. We prepared ourselves to face the topic for about 10 minutes. My friends say I don't speak sense. So why trouble so much? So, as usual, my mind was ringing- அறம் செய விரும்பு... ஆறுவது சினம்... இயல்வது கரவேல்... ஈவது விலக்கேல்... The boy sitting next to me said, "Shall we start?". The lovely lady opposite to me smilingly said, "What is a Maoist?".

My mind was crying- உடையது விளம்பேல்... ஊக்கமது கைவிடேல்... Wait a minute!!! Shouldn't that be "Who is a Maoist?" or more clearly "Who are Maoists?"... Backing on my knowledge on Maoists or Maoism [which is NULL for the record], i started to convince myself that her question was correct in both grammar and sense. எண் எழுத்து இகழேல்... ஏற்பது இகழ்ச்சி... My mind went on.

"Hmmm..?", she stressed, with her eyes screaming, "I'm talking to you, asshole!"

"ஐயம் இட்டு உண்."- My mind overrode my mouth.

"What?", she claimed. I still believe that she could not have got a better answer for her question elsewhere.

"What? Sorry... I have no idea...", I regretted. Then we proceeded with the omnivalid topic of GDs, viz., WHICH IS BETTER [I mean, WHICH IS LESS DEVASTATING?]- LOVE MARRIAGE OR ARRANGED MARRIAGE? Having spoken enough about marriages [in class as well as in my blog {refer here}], and having arrived at a point where marriages are despised far more than semester exams, my mind carried on with ஒப்புரவு ஒழுகு... ஓதுவது ஒழியேல்... while my mouth blabbered something about marriages.

Now being the time of 3G hullabaloo all around, i hooked up to 2G internet on a 3G phone and directed myself to the wise sage- wikipedia. This point, gentlemen, is where i disclose to you one of my most firmly-believed beliefs. Even my mom can go wrong in her statements [which she always does, except for when she tells me 'நீ உருப்பட மாட்டே!'], but wikipedia can never go wrong. This is because the articles present in wikipedia are not written by wikipedians... In fact, nobody knows who the hell writes articles for wikipedia. Instead of finding out faults in the articles or on their authors, wikipedia readers appease themselves into believing whatever is written in wikipedia to be true.

I hastily pressed some keys on the keypad so that the word 'Maoist' appeared in the search box. I hit the search button. After 1 hour, the browser showed, 'Connected to wikipedia... Loading...' And after a few hours, the phone came up with the full web-page. Friends, my advice to you- Please don't visit that page- as I took almost 3 days to comprehend the contents of the page. The whole wiki-article can be shrunk into this neat bite-sized passage...

Maoism takes its name from Mao-Tse-tung, a Chinese leader [that's because Mao-Tse-tung is a Chinese name], who came up with the idea of Maoism [and that's because Maoism takes its name from Mao-Tse-tung, a Chinese leader]. THE END...

Ok. If you want more, bite this...

Maoism [and not Mao himself] ruled China until Deng Xiaoping overthrew Maoism. Thus Maoism is a Beta version of Chinese communism and unlike other versions of communism, Maoism is aimed at Agrarian socialism whereas the others are aimed at urban socialism [not to mention organised vandalism. Eg: The train they bombed in North India.] After 1978, Maoism was almost obsolete in China, and the Chinese lived happily ever after... That is, until Deng took charge, that is immediately after 1978, that is when the Chinese started living happily...

Also, there are a number of Maoist organisations in many countries like China, India, Nepal and Philippines [because of which we have a lot of GD topics]. Besides these countries, almost every other country has a corporate office for Maoist activities [offices in which, even the person in charge didn't know if he supported Maoism]. Also, it is worth mentioning that Maoists differentiated themselves from other communist variants [டைபிஸ்ட், டெரரிஸ்ட், அந்த லிஸ்ட்-ல மாவோயிஸ்ட்] in that they were supporters of Guerilla warfare... I wonder how China got its name to be People's Republic of China, when what is going on in China isn't even distantly related to republic.

Another thing i noticed about articles on communism is that the articles are studded with words ending in '-ist'.
Eg:
1) Sentence: Achyuthan is a total idiot.
[This sentence cannot be converted into communist form, because it is a fact.]
2) Sentence: New Delhi is the capital of India.
Communist form: New Delhi is the capitalist of India.
And there is nothing a communist hates more than a capitalist, which is why communists never seem to hold power in New Delhi... [I'd like to mention here, that CPI had acquired power in Kerala and West Bengal]. So, here in communist context, even the simplest of persons is given great power and hence the term 'simple' becomes ambiguous...

Lastly, about a book written by a communist. Recently, I got the chance to read a book- a biography of Che Guevara- சே குவேரா by தா. பாண்டியன். I like the author owing to his heated interviews and aggressive speeches against ruling party(s)... Let me tell you something. Never read a book on a communist by a communist. A friend of mine who had already read the book told me that the book was not meant for lightheads like me. But, just to disprove him, I took up the book. And till date, it's the only book I put down without finishing. The book has a nice start and as it goes on, Che is venerated as something more than a god, an angel, that'll make even Superman quit his job as a saviour of people, and take up writing biographies for a living. TOO MUCH EXAGGERATION is my verdict for the book.

As far as India is concerned, communism is a kind of a last-minute life-saver for resolving political chaos and it is only very rarely that under peaceful circumstances, that communism assumes power. Communist principles are always good to hear, but the methods of implementation of such principles is what brings a slight dishonour to communists, yet that's what communism is all about- Getting right things done in ways right or wrong. No wonder people call me a communist, whenever I speak my heart out. ஔவியம் பேசேல்... அஃகம் சுருக்கேல்... My mind tells me...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

சிங்கம் - அனுஷ்கா = அசிங்கம்

Your honour! I don't want to defy facts, even though I'm totally confident that I'm amply capable of doing it. All I want to present to you and the members of the jury is a plain, fair and simple case- The case of the menacing movie- the one that goes by the name சிங்கம்...

If you are alive for the past couple of weeks, you can see that this is the time when all movie names include SINGAM [SINGAM, IRUMBUKKOTTAI MURATTU SINGAM, PENN SINGAM...]. And if you are not aware, this is my first movie review. And I must say it's not the best [my review is never good. I meant the movie here]. Since I do NOT want to pose another unbiased(!) review, I would like to declare in the very beginning that I'm writing text about this movie for one reason and one reason only- Anushka. You can very well ask me what the F**K i was doing, going to a Hari movie. Well, my cousins invited me and since I didn't have to pay a penny, I decided to risk my life. And my dear, dear friends, please don't do the same mistake as I did [There are a lot of other mistakes to do, ok?].

As a precautionary measure, I texted all my friends to keep me busy during the 3 hour tenure, thereby making sure I'm alive and if I didn't text them back, they were supposed to call my parents [after calling the ambulance, of course]. Also I kept myself engaged in taking notes on the proceedings on the movie, so that once I recover from the trauma of that movie, I can put it all in words.

Info:
Cast- Surya, Anushka, Vivek, Prakashraj
Music- Devi Sri Prasad
Direction- Hari
Genre- Hari
Bottomline- Hari
Frontline- A fortnightly featuring news and views on politics, national and state affairs. Also, a family of underwear of the Rupa franchise.
  1. As is the foundation of all Hari movies, there is a title-fight [similar to title song in Vijay movies]. And in that, one can very well see the streaks of light stolen from the PlayStation Game X-Men Origins:Wolverine. ஹரி சார், ஆட்டைய போடுறது போடறீங்க, எதாவது மொக்க Game-லிருந்து போடுங்க. The game was a huge success all over the world.
  2. One important thing I noticed in the movie-theater-fight-scene in the movie, is that opposite to the theater is a TASMAC wine-shop whose name-board is larger than that of MAYAJAAL. இது தேவைதானா?
  3. The music by Devi Sri Prasad [DSP] is hazardous. A person in a row front to mine puked right on the face of his neighbour, as soon as he heard Everybody listen...
  4. The song என் இதயம் இதுவரை துடித்ததில்லை has probably got nothing in it. But who cares? To a true fan of Anushka, like myself, it shouldn't be a big problem. But, even in that, Hari has crossed his lines. இயக்குனர் கைவைக்கக்கூடாத இடத்துல கலர் வெச்சு பாக்கறவங்க வயித்தெரிச்சல கொட்டிக்கறார்...
  5. ஹீரோ ஹீரோயின சைட் அடிக்கறது, ஹீரோயின் ஹீரோவ  சைட் அடிக்கறது எல்லாம் போக, ஹீரோயின audience பயங்கரமா சைட் அடிக்கலாம். I just expected a little more from the how-do-you-remove-your-nighty scene. Hard luck...
  6. The definition of love... This is probably the 156871365435th definition of love in tamil cinema.
  7. English lyrics in a Hari movie... Difference காட்டறாராமாம்!
  8. Vivek's comedy is interesting at first, but gets mokkai all the way through.
  9. அடுத்து, timing maintain பண்றதுல ஹரி கெட்டிக்காரர். flight timing எல்லாம் பக்காவா சொல்லுவார். Economy class passengers, alert!
  10. Like Gautam Menon's affinity to I LOVE YOU, Hari is stuck to the FACE-FACE dialogs. The hero and villain hold their faces so close that they can be deemed to be encouraging homosexuality.
  11. பஞ்ச் டயலாக் பேசுங்க... ஆனா 15 நிமிஷத்துக்கு மிகாம பேசுங்க. டயலாக் ஆரம்பிக்கும்போது முழிச்சுகிட்டிருக்கறவன் கூட டயலாக் முடியும்போது தூங்கிடறான்...
  12. ஸ்பெஷல் எபக்ட்ஸ்னு சொல்லிட்டு சூர்யா சண்டை போடும்போதெல்லாம் ஒரு சிங்கத்த காட்றாங்க [சூர்யாவ கேவலப்படுத்தறாங்களா, இல்ல சிங்கத்த கேவலப்படுத்தறாங்களான்னுதான் தெரியல].
  13. There is always this village in some southern district. The movie revolves, rotates, oscillates, vibrates and decays in that village.
  14. The love proposal scene is the lamest I've seen. Guys, do NOT try this in your life. உங்க காதலி உங்கள மனுஷனாக்கூட ஏத்துக்க மாட்டாங்க...
  15. The villagers' disputes are solved by Surya and finally they end up in cuddly bear-hugs. I asked myself what Surya would do, if a man and a woman argued with each other in a similar way... And Vivek answered immediately.
  16. எப்போ பாத்தாலும், ஹீரோ சோர்ந்துபோகும்போது ஹீரோயின் வந்து டயலாக் பேசி தெம்பேத்தி விடறார். If the heroine actually understands the feelings of the hero, she'd give him a little more than 15 stupid sentences.
  17. Twist வைக்கறேன் பேர்வழின்னு இயக்குனர் தன்னாலயே அவுக்க முடியாத மாதிரி twist வைக்கறார்.
  18. வாரணம் ஆயிரம், அயன், ஆதவன் படப்பாட்டேல்லாம் பாத்தீங்கன்னா இந்த படத்து பாட்டெல்லாம் பாக்க வேண்டாம். பைசா வீணாகும்.
  19. Lastly, there is a song which is a characteristic of Sun Pictures- Blue interiors, blue costumes and a lot of other things blue...
ஆனா இதெல்லாம் வெச்சு படம் மோசமா இருக்குன்னு முடிவு பண்ணிட வேண்டாம். படம் பாத்துட்டு வந்து மோசமா இருக்குன்னு முடிவு பண்ணா போதும். My old man used to say, "If everyone runs away from life looking at the bad things, then who will enjoy life for all the good things it offers?". ஹரிக்கு பயந்து படம் பாக்காம போனா அனுஷ்காவ யார் ரசிக்கறது?

Lastly, after watching the movie
  • My eldest cousin forgot who the hell he was. It took 5 minutes for me and my other cousin to bring him back to earth.
  • My other cousin had a chest pain. He was admitted to the Trauma care unit of a hospital nearby. I didn't even visit him because
  • I was brooking with a headache... I went home, took 3 pills of Saridon and went to bed [at about 10.30 pm that night and woke up at 2.30 pm the next day]...