Friday, December 10, 2010

Bill Gates of Hollow Road and some iron gates of Haddows Road...


Hi friends. This is the last post that I intend to upload for the year. It is with utter contempt that I'm writing this post- after being drained of all energy because of the constant running-catching a bus-running-catching another bus-running…… until I reached the Passport Office of Chennai. Let's face it.. My application was rejected- twice. And that too for very trivial reasons…

Ok, other details being unnecessary, I come to the point. Office- the word immediately triggers in your mind the Software package [mostly MS Office] if you are my age; and the place where you're supposed to work [but you actually don't] if you are my age next year. Central Government Offices in Chennai are given convenient Hindi names [like Shastri Bhavan, Aayakkar Bhavan, Raj Bhavan, Adyar Ananda Bhavan… Ok, strike the last one] with the sole idea that just like most Tamilians don't understand Hindi, most people [even those with the highest possible IQ] don't understand what's going on inside those places. Although the same point has been emphasized in almost all Shankar movies, it is only when you experience it first hand, that you understand the trouble.

These are the points that I find significant as difference between MS Office and a Govt. Office…






MS Office

Govt. Office
1. Most copies used worldwide are pirated. Also, sometimes, the software is corrupt
Most people in the offices are pirates, obviously. The officers are ALWAYS corrupt, irrespective of their designation

2. It is easy to work with

It is easy to work in

3. You need basic computer knowledge to operate the software. So it requires a little training

All the employees in it spend their time sleeping [predominantly]. Since we've been doing that since time immemorial, you don't need any sort of training to work in

4. You need to pay money if you need to use that package legally

Legal or illegal, it's YOU that's gonna get paid if you work in a Govt. office [if you actually decide to work, that is…]

5. You have a limited number of applications in the suite

You have millions of applications pouring in, every single day

6. There is only one Office help or assistant, and he takes several shapes

There are several office assistants and mostly, all of them are in bad shape

7. More importantly, the Office assistant provides useful appropriate help

The office assistant isn't of much help. He is virtually useless and the only person stupider than him is the one he's working for

8. Almost all applications are inter-related (i.e) you can work seamlessly between applications

No two applications are related. If you are gonna apply for a birth certificate, you have to first prove to the Tahsildar that you were actually given birth to… For that you need to summon your parents in front of the Municipality office [and don't forget to bring their birth certificates along!]

9. The output or final result is always beautiful, professional or creative

The output, by law, is always stupid, clumsy, irrational and ugly

10. Most importantly, Microsoft considers Apple Inc., its arch rival. So, there is no room for Jobs [Steve Jobs] here

The government always procrastinates its work and hence there is a large number of vacancies for many posts in almost every government office. In other words, there is ALWAYS room for jobs.

 

Last, but not the least, for the first time in my life, I saw a "Microprocessor based Fire Alarm Control" in the office. The only other place where one can find such a stupid contraption is during the intra departmental Project presentation [Virtuoso] of my class. But luckily, just like in Virtuoso, here too the device wasn't functioning properly…


With this, i complete my 19 post-long edition of Blogging 2010. Thanks for patiently reading my words and tolerating my ideas. Thanks are due to my schoolmates- Adithya, Bargavi, Hari, Shalini, Srivatsan, my class/collegemates- Ananth, Anitha, Balaji anna, Barath, Chinna, Kailash, Karthi, Rahul, Saranya, Shanmu, Shyam, Venkat and special thanks to Dilip, Prabhu, Mythili, Saranya and Roopa and  for their valuable comments.


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year friends...

7 comments:

  1. Hey its really our pleasure and fun reading your blogs.. you are doing good..

    btw, regarding govt. offices, its kinda heaven..wishin to work ter ...:)

    wishing you happy new year .. expecting more posts in 2011 with better quality .. ;)

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  2. i xpected an article from u on this topic, right on the day u put up a status message in fb bout The Shastri Bhavan ride.. and Nanben da.. emaathale :)

    good one as ever :) difference between MS office and govt office ku nadula, u forgot to draw a line with blackpen :P rememb u re a Princian :P :D

    Merry Christmas and a happy new year to u2 :)

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  3. 10 Beautiful Differences... 10 months of activity.. 19 Extremely good posts.. 22 dedicated followers... 2038 hits at the stats counter... Well, not a bad position at the end of year for a genius writer.. Hope you get better at what you are, as time and people grow. All the Best !!

    Merry Christmas and a very Happy new year !! :)

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  4. Thank you for your support Vatsan, Bargs and Bajji anna...
    I hope to treat you with better words in the years to come...:)

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  5. funny as ever..... Wat else can we expect 4m u!!!

    Keep rocking bud.. :)

    Merry XMas & A Happy New Year to U !!!! ;)

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  6. Alphabetical arrangement of names makes you achyuthan.......... Get me Friend........ Hope your next year will be a great success....(in Blogging and Ashok Leyland)

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  7. @Shyam and Chinna: Thanks guys...:)

    ReplyDelete