Thursday, November 4, 2010

Be a man... in front of a woman!!

Semester is the time when one is supposed to study a subject, if he wishes not to study it the next sem... Having understood that today's Digital Signal processing question paper was framed by a person who could not spell the word “Digital”, I hereby start doing what i do second best- Blogging [The best thing is sleeping, of course]. I wanted to start writing about how to, and how not to take on an interview. But since i'm quite sure that you can do it better without my advice, i take liberty in presenting you what men and women do in an interview...

I must warn you that you may or may not do exactly as mentioned in this post. But this post clearly demarcates the difference between the two sexes. So, if you want to clarify your sex, do one of the following.
1.    Ask your mom [This is the most confirmatory test. If this doesn't help you, nothing else can].
2.    Ask your dad [There's nothing your dad doesn't know. But take his word and your sex is just the opposite of that].
3.    Since you're too busy reading this post, you may not be able to perform the above 2 actions. So continue reading it and I'm sure you'll find your sex at the end.

Ok! Let's get started.

The Source of Power:
What it is with men is that they're basically ADRENALINE FACTORIES. They pump out enough adrenaline to fill up the Mettur dam just at the sound of the word 'interview'. And don't get it the wrong way folks- They don't confront interviews with force, rather they do it with fear. Women, on the other hand, don't know what adrenaline is. And so, they happily face the interview, and hopefully, get placed too...

Looks before personality:
When it comes to interview attire, women don't have much to worry about. Their clumsiest chudidhars work out perfectly well- in fact, better than their most decent ones [I hope you get my drift!]. And for men, it's totally different. They need to wear formals- a full-sleeve shirt, a full-length trouser, and a fully disfunctional necktie. Neckties are the most enigmatic inventions of the Brits [after their language and their Aston-Martins]... They are much like cravats- worn around so close to the neck, making you feel like you have hyperthyroidism. The present day small tie, however, is very much aimed at hiding your top-shirt button [which, in your case, is absent]. Yet, in Indian context, neckties serve a lot of purposes-

It can be used as a napkin when you're having breakfast.
A hankey when you want to dry your fingers after a wash.
As a source of suicide threat to your parents, when you want to get things done your way.
And most importantly, a life-saver when you want to blow your nose.

Confidence:
“Confidence is that feeling which makes you feel that you can do it...”
“Do what??”
So, the definition of confidence itself adds confusion to your life, making you still less confident.

If confidence can be measured, women would always have a zero score; and men, negative...
A girl will break no sweat in walking straight up to the HR, and sit in front of him with one leg over the other and ask him,“Hey dawg! Are you ready with the questions or should i have to wait for you??” Men on the other hand wait for the sentence “Take your seat” from the HR and are hence ready to even take up the whole interview standing...

The DNA factor:
One must not blame men for their submissive behaviour, because it's basically not their fault. It's printed on their DNA, and is aggravated by their dads' submissive attitude towards their moms, who, in turn, owe this to their dads, who owe it to theirs. The process goes on until you reach Adam.

“God created man in his image”, says the Bible. Ok. Let's assume that before man was created, God had a picture of himself in the drawing room of his house and he used it as a template to create Adam. Doesn't that obviously pop out the question “What image did God use to create woman??” [Ok God, you're in deep trouble now!].

Coming back to the DNA thing. DNA is defined as that part of your body where vital information about you [including your facebook password] is stored. So, if you can, safeguard your DNA. Also DNA is where it's written

Women always have a way of getting along with other women.
Also, women have a way of getting along with men, only better.

Just like always,

Men are always uncomfortable with other men.
With women around, they feel even more uncomfortable.

So as soon as the interview starts, the boy's legs tremble and his tongue sticks to the top of his mouth, and in most cases, he doesn't remember a thing when he comes back of the interview hall. Women, on the other hand, have extremely keen powers of observation and so they even tell the number of stripes on the shirt of the HR [who by the way wore a plain blue shirt]...

Tell me about yourself:
This is the first question every HR asks in an interview, because he's too lazy to take a look at your CV. So, this is the one chance where you can tell him anything you wish. Also, it is a good practice to start it from the very beginning- preferably from when the dinosaurs walked the earth. So you spin stories that expand for millions of years [and the HR is half asleep by now] and finally, after mentioning about World War 1 and World War 2, you arrive at your birth-date. This is where the HR stops you. Now comes the difference.

A boy tells him that he's a Nobel laureate... The HR wouldn't care.

A girl tells him that she can touch her nose with her tongue. The very next instant, he'd be amazed at her extra-curricular, personal, non-technical, superhuman skill. She'll be asked to display this extraordinary talent of hers and she'll be selected by the company.

You put four years of hard work towards your subjects and sincere efforts towards your placements, and she's wanted for a skill that her cousin taught her when she was 4 years old. By now, you realise that God hates you...

The plan might sound insane, but this is what the MBA degree does to a person. It takes away his brain and instills in him, a very serious look. This serious look [combined with the ability to create powerpoint presentations with a lot of charts and graphs about the company] is what makes the HR earn lakhs of rupees every year.

So, if your interview processes involve under any of the aforesaid instances, you can easily find your sex. If you still can't, look down [literally]...

6 comments:

  1. You are expressing serious matter in a funny way

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  2. GURUji... Ellam unga aaseervadham...

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  3. Hey dude in your enthu do not forget the spellings da....... Do check for spelling errors before u post the blog....

    In the DNA factor para check the second line. I think it is suBmissive and not sumissive ok.....:)

    In the last line of the blog is it ABOVE SAID INSTANCES or AFORESAID INSTANCES.... i cant get it.....

    Do check for SPELLING ERRORS and do use the SPACE BAR in your keyboard.......:)

    Otherwise you are on your side IE COMMENTING AND MAKING FUN OF GIRLS FOR THE ULTIMATE HAPPINESS OF YOUR FOLKS.........

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  4. Your irony is very humorous. keep it up

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